


Encounters

by aech_fic



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Drama, Humor, M/M, Romance, Spoilers up to and including current manga events
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-01-06
Updated: 2011-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aech_fic/pseuds/aech_fic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crew members' and other people's first encounters with Zoro and Luffy's strange and slightly complicated relationship...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Zoro x Luffy: Grabby Hands

It takes less than three hours for Roronoa Zoro to decide that he's made a terrible mistake in agreeing to join Luffy's pirate crew. Or, more specifically, what will eventually be a pirate crew. The swordsman doesn't really know all that much about pirates, but he's pretty sure that you need more than two people, captain included, to claim you've got a crew.

Anyway, despite the fact that the rubber bastard has essentially black-mailed him into joining with the whole "your service or your life" bit, Zoro is pretty impressed with how Luffy dealt with Axe-Hand Morgan and his rather odd subordinates.

So what if Luffy's ship isn't quite as large as he'd expected; the pirate can still rightfully call himself captain of his own boat. Although, he considers, maybe dinghy's really a better term for the thing they're sailing...

Regardless, his new captain's either very brave or very stupid. Zoro hasn't quite figured out which, and if he's brutally honest with himself, he probably isn't the best person to judge bravery versus stupidity considering the mess from which he's just been extricated. He does think, however, that Luffy's totally serious about the pirate king deal. In fact, he's very enthusiastic about heading straight for the Grand Line.

He's also very excitable, and it's starting to wear on the swordsman, who's always considered himself somewhat of a loner. Zoro's reputation tends to proceeds him, and he's used to and often prefers when people avoid him. If someone gets too friendly, a good glare usually sends them scurrying away.

It doesn't work with Luffy.

He tugs at the swordsman's arm, whining for him to come look at the weird fish surfacing off the bow. He naps with his head leaning on the swordsman's shoulder and drools through his shirt. He even nudges under the swordsman's arm, trying to get a closer look at his weapons. Zoro's dozing the first time he tries that particular stunt and nearly slices his head off before he realizes that it's not an enemy attempting to disarm him in his sleep.

Zoro finally bans him to the boat's stern, and he's not sure what to think when Luffy actually goes, because what kind of captain takes orders from his first mate, if that's what he considers Zoro?

What a strange guy, the swordsman muses as he rests his arms behind his head and stares up at the clouds, eyes half-lidded against the sun. Luffy perches on their only water barrel and pouts, shooting dirty looks at his new nakama and grumbling under his breath.

It seems as though he might actually stay put for a while, so Zoro closes his eyes. He's exhausted after spending nine days tied to that goddamn post, and he'll be a lot less likely to accidentally kill his bizarre new captain if he gets some sleep.

To his vast annoyance, his body has other ideas and rather impolitely informs him that food and sleep aren't the only things that he's been neglecting for the past week and a half. It doesn't help that - thanks to that goddamn touchy-feely captain - he's had more casual physical contact with someone else in one day than he's probably had in the past year or so.

He rolls onto his side with a muffled curse and grits his teeth, hoping that his arousal will go away if he ignores it for long enough.

"Oi."

Of course. The swordsman wonders if he can just pretend that he didn't hear Luffy; maybe the idiot will give up and leave him alone.

"Oi, Zoro. Oi. Zoro. Zoro. Zoro Zoro Zoro."

"What?"

"Is Zoro sick?" Luffy asks, and this time his breath tickles Zoro's ear, startling him so badly that they smash heads when he sits up too fast.

"Fuck!"

Luffy leans over to peer at him, apparently unaffected by the blow, and suddenly grins when he recognizes why the swordsman looks so uncomfortable - other than his ringing skull, of course. "Ah. Yosh!"

"Wha- IIE!" Zoro yelps as he's suddenly distracted from his aching temple by a hand burrowing down the front of his trousers and wrapping firmly around his erection. His hips jerk forward involuntarily, driving his cock through the tunnel formed by Luffy's clenched fist, and he flails in response, sending his swords clattering across the deck.

"LEGGO, YOU ASSHOLE!"

Ignoring his protests, Luffy gives him a few firm strokes and a strangled moan escapes Zoro's lips as he doubles over the captain's arm, control shattered by the knowledge that the hand on him is not his own. This touch is rough and unfamiliar, and the swordsman grabs a fistful of Luffy's vest, unintentionally dragging him closer, as his cock pulses into the younger man's grasp.

For a moment or two, there's no sound but Zoro's ragged breathing. He glares murderously at Luffy, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched, as the captain pulls his hand free and rocks back on his heels.

"Feels good, right?" Luffy asks casually, looking immensely pleased with himself.

"DON'T GO GRABBING OTHER PEOPLE'S JUNK!"

"I just wanted to lend Zoro a hand," Luffy scowls, examining his wet fingers curiously. To the swordsman's vast embarrassment, he pops one in his mouth and sucks on it.

"Ugh, don't do that," Zoro shudders, shoving him away as he suddenly realizes he's still clutching at his vest. He grimaces as Luffy starts licking his palm. "That's nasty."

The captain flops down next to him, close enough that they're touching, and blinks owlishly. "Why? It's from Zoro, so it's okay."

"Tch."

"Oi, wanna know what feels really good?" Luffy asks, rolling over and draping an arm over the swordsman's torso. Zoro flinches and eyes him cautiously, not quite daring to ask where this is going. He's also not sure that he's entirely comfortable being touched, but it seems kind of silly to complain at this point.

"Wait, what?" He sputters, sure he misunderstood what the chattering idiot's just said. "Bullshit!"

"No, it's not!"

"Luffy, nobody's flexible enough to suck their own cock." Zoro neglects to mention that he knows the impossibility of this due to personal experience. He was young and stupid at the time, this conversation is already strange enough, and Santoryu has absolutely nothing to do with this.

"I can too," Luffy insists, leaning his chin on the swordsman's chest. "I said, I'm a rubber man, so it stretches. Everything stretches."

"That's fucking weird."

"Wanna see?"

"NO!"

"..."

"..."

"I'm hungry."

"Where the hell are we, anyway?"


	2. Nami: Understandable Misunderstanding

Nami jerks awake, fingers clutching at the rough material she's utilizing as a blanket. She stares into the darkness, heart racing in her chest, and listens. No sound comes to her ears but the gentle lapping of water against the hull, and she's starting to think that her sleeping mind imagined it, but she rises anyway because she'd rather be mistaken and safe than neglectful and dead.

She moves quickly and quietly as she edges to the cabin's window, because after spending so many years dealing with Arlong's crew and those she victimizes, she's learned that stealth will do far more than reckless bravado to keep her alive.

The moon is extremely bright tonight, raising reflections on the water, and she's forced to shield her eyes as she squints through the glass at the silhouettes outlined in the small boat floating next to hers. Part of the amorphous blob is immediately recognizable as the weapons carried by the swordsman, and she's starting to relax again - because she'll happily let him deal with whatever's going on instead of risking her own neck - when the shadowy shape distorts and there's another muffled cry, similar to the one that woke her.

"I told you to be quiet!"

Nami's instantly awake. She eases to the doorway, grateful that she left the door hanging open because no squeaking hinges will give her away, and peers outside.

Roronoa Zoro stands in the other boat with their captain trapped securely against his bare chest, his hold pinning the smaller pirate's arms to his sides. The fingers of one hand are wedged in Luffy's mouth, stifling his indignant cries, and the other is shoved down the front of his shorts. The swordsman's grinding his hips against his victim's rear and snarling threats as Luffy twists in his grasp forcefully enough to make him stagger and rock the boat.

Horrified, Nami bursts onto the deck, determined to put a stop to the abuse even though she has no idea what exactly she's going to do. "What the hell are you doing?! LET HIM GO!"

The startled swordsman shoves Luffy away from him so forcefully that they both nearly go overboard, and the captain yelps in surprise as he's slammed directly into the mast and bounces off. He lands near Zoro's feet and huddles there, wide-eyed and whimpering.

"Luffy, get over here!" Nami demands, extending a hand across the gap between the vessels. "I won't let him touch you again!"

"It's not what it looks like! He asked for it!" Zoro blurts, torn between going for his swords and diving overboard and swimming for it, because the navigator's glare looks capable of boiling water or possibly even imploding testicles.

"Don't blame him because you're a pervert!" Nami roars back, her eyes locked on Luffy, who looks as though he's about to burst into tears. She's furious with Zoro for taking advantage of the younger pirate and even more upset that she missed the warning signs. "NOW, LUFFY!"

"Listen, you stupid-"

"ZORRRRO!"

"No, Luffy, get away from him!"

Ignoring Nami's frantically waving hand, the captain rockets to his feet and lunges at Zoro, grabbing the swordsman by the neck with both hands and shaking him violently.

Zoro doesn't fight back, to Nami's relief and satisfaction, maybe because the bastard knows he deserves whatever beating Luffy intends to give him now that someone finally knows what he's been through and since he's decided to stand up for himself. He's shouting in the swordsman's face now and punctuating each word with a good hard shake.

"Why'd Zoro stop?! I was gonna come!"

Wait, what? The triumphant expression on Nami's face fades, replaced by a blank stare.

"Grrrk!" Zoro protests, clawing at the fingers on his neck. "'Cause I don’t want a fucking audience!"

"But I waited all day!"

"I told you to be more quiet! You're too goddamn noisy!"

"Zoro's noisy too!"

"Like hell I am!"

"Zoro yells a lot when I-"

"If you'd just stop fucking laughing when you-"

Nami turns on her heel and walks back into the cabin, since they've obviously forgotten that she's been standing there listening as they make it vividly clear that she's been rather mistaken about the exact nature of their relationship.

As she shakes out her blanket and wraps it around her shoulders, she hears Zoro cursing outside, shouting at Luffy for ripping the button off his trousers. There's a brief struggle, then a loud splash, followed by a loud exclamation of "OH SHIT!" and considerable additional splashing. Then more screeching, which is abruptly cut short.

For a moment she's convinced that they've knocked each other unconscious and she can just go back to sleep and forget this whole thing ever happened, but then there's a low, throaty moan. The burst of giggles that follows can only be Luffy, and Nami stares blearily at the ceiling and wonders how long it'll be until morning.

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."


	3. Usopp: Scary New Crewmates

Despite Usopp's enthusiasm for becoming a brave warrior of the sea, he's so homesick during their first night out to sea that he rests fitfully, tossing and turning to nightmares that he can't quite remember when they jolt him awake, trembling and feeling his heart racing in his chest.

It's early morning and still mostly dark when he's jostled from sleep by someone climbing down past his hammock, rocking him dangerously enough that he grabs at the netting so he's not dumped out of it.

He looks down to see a shadowy form picking its way across the room and doing a poor job of avoiding the unfamiliar furniture, and it takes him a moment to realize that the figure's head looks funny because it's wearing a hat.

Luffy stifles a yelp as he barks his shin on the lowest peg of the mast's ladder and promptly trips. He's about two seconds from crashing into the table and sending empty mugs clattering to the floor when a familiar arm catches him around the waist.

"You'd make a really shitty assassin," Zoro grumbles softly. He's been watching the captain's haphazard path from his spot on the couch, which he claimed for the night after seeing the two other men falling on their asses trying to climb in and out of the hammocks.

"Couldn't sleep."

Usopp's convinced that the grumpy swordsman's going to the clobber Luffy, captain or not, for waking him, so he's surprised when Zoro just settles back down on the couch and stares expectantly up at the smaller pirate. "Well?"

Luffy tosses his straw hat on the table and scrambles to join him. There's soft cursing and some scuffling as he tramples Zoro in the process, but they eventually get situated, the captain tucked neatly against the swordsman's chest, head tucked under his chin.

Usopp blinks, confused by the scene that's unfolding, because Zoro doesn't strike him as a particularly comforting or cuddly sort of guy. Even though the swordsman helped defend his village and insisted that he join the crew, the younger man's still rather afraid of him. In fact, Roronoa might possibly be the scariest person he's ever met.

Now, as he hangs silently in his hammock, watching Zoro ruffle Luffy's hair, he re-evaluates his earlier impressions. Maybe the swordsman's really more like a badass older brother, one that will beat up anybody fucking with you but that you shouldn't piss off unless you want your name added to his list.

"So why couldn't you sleep?"

"Zoro's too careless," Luffy pouts, tracing a shallow cut on the swordsman's ribcage.

"Like you're one to talk! Taking on that stupid butler when-"

He flinches as probing fingers encounter the still-healing knife wound in his side. "Stop poking, idiot!"

The captain ignores him, frowning as he feels tackiness under his fingertips. "Zoro's bleeding again."

Usopp's not particularly surprised; it was only last night that Nami demanded he and Luffy restrain the infuriated swordsman so she could assault him with an armload of medical supplies, and he learned that Zoro had already been injured when the fight on the slope began. Of course, the grumbling man had torn off all the bandages as soon as the navigator disappeared into her own quarters, insisting that he just needed some sleep and fresh air for his wounds to heal.

His thoughts are interrupted by an odd choking sound, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that Luffy has scooted down Zoro's body and is licking the reopened wound, resisting the swordsman's efforts to push him away as he fastens his mouth over the bruised, raw skin.

"Oi, stop it, Luffy, that hurts!"

The captain relents and sits up, licking his fingers. "Zoro got hurt saving me."

"So I should've left you in that cage for that stupid clown to blow up?" Zoro smirks up at him, realizing that this is the first time Luffy's actually addressed the injuries he received during their fight with Buggy, and Usopp hopes fervently that he will go into more detail, because that scenario - swordsmen and cages and clowns - sounds like the makings of a great story.

He's disappointed but equally intrigued when Luffy makes a huffing noise and pokes the swordsman's chest. "Zoro's lucky his guts didn't pop out!"

"They didn't, so it doesn't matter."

"But they could've!"

"They didn't." The swordsman states firmly, pulling the smaller pirate back down against his chest and burying his nose in Luffy's hair, glad it's still too dim for the captain to see the flush on his face because he's thinking that if his intestines had actually herniated, he would've stuffed them back in and carried Luffy to safety anyway.

Luffy's silent for a moment, long enough for both Zoro - and the eavesdropping Usopp - to wonder what he's thinking. Then he flings his arms around the swordsman's neck. "We got a ship!"

Amused at his captain's abrupt change of subject, Zoro chuckles, "Yeah, we did."

"Bet Nami's happy she got her own room."

"I'm sure," the swordsman snorts. "I think she wanted to kill us both after the other night."

"Mmm, I told Zoro he was loud too," Luffy hums, wriggling to make himself more comfortable.

"Still not as loud as you laughing your ass off."

The conversation is taking a strange turn, and Usopp's brow furrows as he tries to make heads or tails of their comfortable banter. It almost sounds lewd - as though they're talking dirty to each other - but that can't possibly be right.

"Zoro's comfy."

"Luffy-"

There's rustling and a sharp intake of breath, and Usopp's eyes start out of his skull because Zoro's kissing their captain as though he's trying to inhale him and Luffy's responding just as ardently, melting against the swordsman's chest as he buries his fingers in the short spiky hair.

Now lying rigid in his hammock, terrified that they're going to kill him if they realize he's awake and knows their secret - because no matter what he's heard, there's no way Nami knows about this - Usopp squeezes his eyes tightly shut and tries to ignore the faint sounds coming from the couch.

"Here, lemme-"

There's a muffled groan, unmistakably sexual in nature, and Usopp squeaks loudly.

He freezes, biting the inside of his cheek, and praying that nobody heard him. For a moment he thinks they were too distracted to notice, and then Zoro speaks up, sounding very annoyed and out of breath. "I know you're awake, Usopp."

"I didn't hear anything," the panic-stricken liar wails, wrapping both arms protectively around his head. "And I didn't see you kissing Luffy either! Don't kill me, I'm still a virgin!"

The captain starts giggling uncontrollably, and Zoro gives an exasperated sigh and flops an arm over his eyes. Usopp bolts upright in his hammock, swaying dangerously as he struggles to get out of the room before he finds a sword run through his skull.

"I won't tell Nami, I swear!"

"She already knows," the swordsman grumbles, raising his forearm so he can glare up at Luffy, who grins sheepishly.

"I'll just-" He yips as he loses his balance and crashes to the floor, smashing nose first against the planks, but he's up in a flash and scaling the mast posts before he has time to feel the pain. "-be going! Excuse me, goodbye, have fun!"

"Oi, don't forget to open the-"

Zoro's warning comes too late, and he slams his head into the hatch. The swordsman tenses, expecting him to fall, but Usopp's terror galvanizes him and he somehow gets it open and scrambles out of sight, wailing "don't forget to use a rubber!" as he goes.

"Rubber?" Luffy asks, confused. "I'm rubber!"

Taking in the comical bewilderment on his captain's face, Zoro snickers and laces his fingers behind his head, a grin spreading across his own face. "You certainly are, and we finally have a room to ourselves…"

xxx

Usopp bursts into the kitchen, determined to find a stiff drink even though it's still first thing in the morning, and freezes as he realizes that Nami's sitting at the table with a glass of water, looking very surprised at his abrupt entrance.

"Usopp, what-"

Her brow wrinkles as she stares at him. "Why is your nose bleeding?"

"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" he shrieks back, scrubbing frantically at the red trickle emerging from his left nostril.

"I don't believe that perverted bastard," Nami growls, slamming her glass down hard enough to slosh water onto the table. "He claimed he didn't want an audience, and now those idiots are corrupting our innocent young-"

"Oi, aren't you only one year older than me…?"


	4. Nefertari Vivi: Innocence Corrupted

Sanji grumbles, stepping back to glare at the wine rack. He's been scouring the kitchen for the almost empty bottle of cooking oil that he's almost positive was there this morning.

Vivi glances over from where she sits next to Nami, the most recent newspaper spread on the table before them as they search futilely for any information about the island they're approaching. Apparently there's nothing news-worthy enough about Little Garden to be reported, so the princess is starting to believe that Miss All-Sunday was teasing them about never reaching Arabasta.

"What's wrong, Sanji-san?"

The cook flashes her a bright smile. "Ah, nothing, Vivi-chan. I must have been mistaken."

Usopp, also seated at the table while he tinkers with an array of gears, screws, bolts and other unidentifiable junk, cringes as he accidentally fires a small spring across the room and watches it whiz past Sanji's ear.

"Oi, when's lunch?" The sniper blurts when the confused cook glances around. "I'm hungry!"

"I'll get started as soon as I grab another bottle of cooking oil from the storage room." Sanji assures him, frowning slightly at the nervous I-didn't-do-it grin on Usopp's face. "Just get all that shit off the table so everyone can sit down and eat."

Eager to offer her assistance in any way possible to the people who've promised to help her reach home safely, Vivi bounces up from her seat. "I can find it for you, Sanji-san! Go ahead and get started; I'll be right back."

She's out the door and heading across the deck before he's able to protest that princesses shouldn't be performing menial errands.

"Sanji-kun?" Nami asks casually, refolding her paper. "Where are Luffy and Zoro?"

The horrified expression on his face is priceless, as a theory regarding his missing cooking oil suddenly clicks into place in his head, completing a puzzle he does not want to see. Almost simultaneously, there's an ear-piercing shriek from below, immediately followed by angry shouting.

"Well," Usopp says slowly, staring at Sanji and wondering if the cook's face will freeze like that if he doesn't change expressions soon. "She was going to find out sooner or later anyway."

They hear Vivi's boots pounding back across the deck before she bursts through the doorway, twin spots of color burning high on her cheeks. "N-Nami-san, it's terrible! Luffy and M-Mr. Bushido are f-f-f-f-f-"

"Fucking?" Usopp offers helpfully, earning a punch in the back of the head from Sanji, just as Vivi stops stumbling over her words. "Fighting!"

Nami waves a dismissing hand. "It's all the same to those guys."

There's a commotion outside, and the wide-eyed princess darts out of the doorway as Zoro bursts in, red-faced and disheveled. "Don't any of you people fucking knock?"

"I had to take a piss!" Sanji roars back. "And stop stealing my goddamn cooking supplies and buy some lube already, shitty marimo!"

"Shut u-" He stops short as he dodges the mixing spoon Sanji's just hurled at him. "Asshole cook!"

Nami fixes Zoro with a cold stare, her eyes narrowing when she notices that he's forgotten to button his trousers and tuck his shirt completely back into his haramaki. "He can't buy any because he still owes me money."

"YOU SAID WE WERE EVEN!"

Vivi's looking from one face to another, mouth gaping, as the navigator rises and leans forward across the table, drumming her fingers irritably on the wood. "I did, but now you owe me for emotional distress. I was going upstairs to double-check my log pose readings."

"!"

"I knocked," Usopp grumbles to no one in particular, "But nobody answered, so I thought the room was empty..."

"M-Mr. Bushido?" Vivi asks cautiously from where she stands at Nami's side, and everyone turns to look at her. "Why are you wearing your bandana?"

Zoro makes a strangled noise and rakes the offending piece of cloth off his head, his fingers twitching as he hastily re-ties it back in its customary spot on his bicep. "None of your-"

"'Cause it's sexy!" Luffy cheers, his head popping into view around the swordsman's shoulder as he plows into his back and nearly knocks him into the steering post. Zoro punches the captain in the temple, face absolutely blazing, but the smaller pirate just laughs and wraps both arms and legs around his waist.

"Don't tell them shit like that!"

"But I said it's just like when we fought," Luffy whines, frowning, and Sanji and Usopp exchange confused looks because they slept through that particular event at Whiskey Peak and were never really told all the details, "-but even better cause Zoro was wearing a lot less clothes… at least 'til Vivi started yelling…"

The swordsman rubs his face with both hands, glowering menacingly at their speechless crew mates as though daring them to say anything, before spinning and stalking away with Luffy clinging to his back. The captain beams back cheerfully and waves at them before he disappears from sight.

Sanji flops into an occupied chair, jarring the table, and watches with disinterest as screws roll off the edge and bounce across the floor. "That effectively killed my appetite."

"Oi, watch it!" Usopp exclaims, diving to catch his escaping hardware.

"Vivi," Nami sighs, slumping back into her seat and leaning her cheek against her palm as she looks up at the confused, blushing princess, "I may have neglected to mention some of the, ah, eccentricities of our captain."


	5. Tony Tony Chopper: Animal Instincts

She's going to kill them all, Nami decides as she inadvertently crumples the corner of the map she's clenching in her fist. Well, not Vivi and Carue, because they're not doing anything obnoxious. And probably not Chopper either, because he's too cute.

But the rest of them are going to die.

"Why'd I get stuck doing Marimo's laundry?" Sanji whines, peering into the girls' quarters through the open emergency exit - and Nami knows it's the eighth time because she's been counting.

Usopp, staggering under the load of dirty clothes he's attempting to hoist through the ceiling hatch, glares down the cook, who's holding a sweat-stained tank top pinched between his fingers as though it might suddenly crawl up his arm and try to throttle him. "Better Zoro's than Luffy's; it's gonna take me hours to scrub out the food stains!"

He heaves his armload through the opening and hangs from the top mast peg, panting and wiping his forehead with the back of his arm. "But I, Captain Usopp, will defeat the dread laundry demons and return cleanliness to the…"

His dialogue, which everyone is ignoring, fades as he clambers through the hatch.

"Oi, I told you, I'm not sick," Zoro growls at Chopper again from where he's sprawled on Nami's futon, contrary to the fact that he sounds like he's talking through a throat full of gravel, and there's a ripping sound as Nami puts her fingers through the map.

She wonders again exactly why she agreed to let their new doctor use her and Vivi's room as a temporary infirmary while the guys cleaned out what Chopper had referred to as a den of filth. Possibly because he's just trying to do his job, and judging by the stale odor wafting through the emergency exit, she also doesn't blame him for refusing to subject his sensitive nose to the men's quarters until it's had a thorough spring cleaning.

"Nami, why can't Luffy do his own laundry?" Usopp's voice calls down the stairs.

She vividly recalls a deck foaming thigh-high with soap suds as well as the fistfights over whites accidentally dyed pink and reminds herself to breathe. "Just shut up and go help Vivi."

"Luffy's hands need to stay dry or they won't heal," Chopper tells the scowling woman as he slides a mug across the coffee table towards Zoro. "Here, drink this."

"I'm not sick."

"You sound like a goddamn dying bullfrog," Sanji grumbles. "Tell me again, shitty marimo, why were you wandering around naked in a snowstorm?"

"Fuck you, ero-cook! And I wasn't naked!"

"Naked or not," Chopper fusses, "You spent at least an hour walking around in sub-zero temperatures without adequate protection after swimming in a semi-frozen river. Then last night, you drank too much, stripped off your coat to do training exercises in the middle of the night and then fell asleep on the deck! You should have hypothermia, not to mention frostbite!"

He points resolutely at the mug. "Drink."

"I said," Zoro snarls, "I'm not sick."

He glowers at the reindeer so darkly that Chopper gives a squeak of alarm and hides behind Nami's leg, clinging to it and prompting a sputter of jealousy from Sanji, who's watching from the other room.

"Zoro, quit giving Chopper a hard time and just drink the damn stuff already," the navigator hisses. She bets the reindeer's Heavy Point form could probably just hold the combative swordsman down and force the medication down his throat, but Chopper's still too intimidated by his new nakama to try it.

"Why don't you drink it?"

"I'm surrounded by idiots…"

"Nami! I'm borrrrrred." Luffy's whining proceeds him down the stairs as he scoots down them, moving his rear from step to step until his feet dangle centimeters above the floor, because Nami told him he wasn't allowed to set foot in her room without an invitation unless he wanted to find himself tied around Merry's figurehead in a knot. While that sounds pretty exciting in itself, he thinks it'd be awfully hard to eat like that, so he's willing to tempt fate but not actually cross the line.

He peers across the room, grinning when he spots the swordsman and wondering if he can slingshot himself into Zoro's lap without sending the couch through the wall into the men's room. "Oi, is Zoro still sick?"

"I'm not-" Zoro sneezes explosively into his sleeve.

Nami eyes their captain cautiously, betting he's thinking about trying something stupid if she's reading the crafty expression on his face correctly, and decides the sooner she gets the boys back into their own room, the better.

"Luffy," she calls, adding a sweeter note to her voice that ultimately does nothing to influence his behavior but leaves Sanji swooning over the divider with his armload of dirty wash. "Help Chopper give Zoro his medicine?"

"Yosh!" Luffy chirps. He bounces over and picks up the mug that Nami's gesturing at, peers into it, and then upends it into his own mouth.

"Pfft," Zoro snorts, grinning victoriously at Nami and Chopper's shocked expressions. "You didn't tell him he wasn't supposed to-"

He's caught entirely off guard as Luffy leans over and kisses him forcefully, pinching the swordsman's nose shut so he's forced to open his mouth to a warm tongue and a flood of bitter-tasting liquid. He thrashes in protest, but the captain just redoubles his efforts until he's forced to swallow or learn an alternative method of breathing.

Watching Zoro's throat convulse, Nami blinks. "Huh."

She glances down at Chopper, wondering what he's making of this, and finds the doctor gleefully packing his medical supplies back into his bag. "Wow, that was easier than I expected! Although, I better make another dose for Luffy just in case-"

"Marimo! Quit it with that shit! Oi, Nami-san!" Sanji calls, "If you don't want your couch looking like ours, you might want to-"

The navigator realizes with a start that Zoro's not only started enthusiastically returning Luffy's affections but has actually rolled over and pinned the whimpering captain under him. She grabs the swordsman by the ear and pulls until he scrambles up protesting and swearing at her.

Luffy sucks in a lungful of air with a noisy whooping sound. "Gack! That shit tastes awful!"

He gives Nami and Chopper a betrayed look, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. Zoro looks equally disgusted, wiping his mouth on the front of his shirt, and Luffy's attention is promptly diverted by the sight of the swordsman's bare stomach. He pounces and clings around Zoro's neck, wrapping his legs around his waist and nudging his chin in hopes of soliciting another kiss.

There's a startled quack from the doorway, and Nami sighs when she looks back to see Carue peering down the stairs, head tilted slightly. The spot-billed duck fluffs his feather, utters a string of quacks and looks expectantly at Chopper.

The reindeer giggles.

"What?"

"Carue wants to know which one's going to lay the eggs."

Nami's eyebrow twitches at the horrifying images this statement conjures, and she shoves Zoro towards the stairs, spurring him on with a sandal-heel to the rear. "Okay, both of you OUT. Go nest somewhere else."


	6. Nefertari Cobra & Igaram: Bad Influence

"Ah, there she is! Vivi-sama, we've been looking everywhere for you!"

Vivi utters a high-pitched squeak of surprise, dropping the wooden puzzle game that Usopp pressed into her hands on his way out twenty minutes earlier, at the sudden approach of Igaram and her father as they round the corner beside her. She flattens herself back against the door, a breathless word of thanks escaping her lips as Igaram stoops to retrieve the toy.

"I believe your friends are waiting in the dining hall. Why don't you go join them?" Nefertari Cobra asks, missing the way his daughter's eyes dart towards the room behind her because he's peering at the carved pieces in her hands. "Ah, that's very clever."

"I believe that long-nosed fellow made it. Usopp, isn't it?"

"Y-yes," the princess stammers, smiling weakly as she realizes that they're not moving on. "Usopp-san's very skilled. He's invented a wide variety of-"

A low groan escapes the door behind her, and the smile freezes on her face.

Her father's brow furrows. "What-"

"Mr. Bushido! Wasn't feeling very well!" Vivi yelps, narrowly avoiding jamming the puzzle up her own nose as she claps both hands to her mouth. "H-He wanted to take a nap, so I offered to make sure no one disturbed him!"

"What a shame - shall I call for the royal phys-" Cobra pauses, considering. "Or perhaps he'd prefer that young man that resembles a tanuki."

"Ah, Father, Chopper's a reindeer..."

"Of course, dear. Shall I send Igaram to fetch him?"

"Yeee-no." Because this will remove only one obstacle, temporarily, and when the captain of the guard returns with a puzzled Chopper, the plot hole in her fabrication will become embarrassingly evident.

Vivi debates banging her head repeatedly against the wall but refrains, because she's sure they both already think she's certifiable for traipsing off to play spy in an evil underground organization led by a megalomaniac who kept giant banana-crowned crocodiles as pets. Just because Igaram tagged along to keep you safe doesn't mean he doesn't think you're crazy, she reminds herself. "Er, I mean, no."

Forget yes or no, just please go away already! How, she frets internally, how the hell do I get myself into these fixes?

She smiles diplomatically, mentally cursing Nami-san's ingenuity. "I'm sure Mr. Bushido just needs some peace and-"

All three of them jump as there's a loud crash that shakes the door in its frame, accompanied by cursing and laughter.

"-quiet." Vivi finishes awkwardly. "Err-"

"Ow, leggo! No, Luffy, don't you da- aah~!"

"Ooh, so that's how I make Zoro noisy..."

Brief silence, followed with a low whine from the swordsman that rises and wavers and breaks into several throaty, gasping cries. Luffy's voice murmurs non-stop alongside it, sounding husky and highly amused as he periodically drops comments that leave no doubt as to what's occurring directly on the other side of the door.

The princess takes in the shocked expressions of the two men facing her, closes her eyes, and says a very bad and unladylike word that they both know she certainly didn't learn here in the palace. Igaram winces, his gaze sliding sideways to gauge his sovereign's reaction.

The king's eyebrow twitches. "You've certainly made some interesting and... enthusiastic new friends."

"You have no idea," his daughter mutters unthinkingly. Igaram makes a strangled questioning sound, and the princess's hands again fly to cover her mouth as she realizes she's spoken aloud, her face flushing in mortification.

"Vivi, if you would, please inform the captain and his, ah-" Cobra coughs delicately, his lips quirking slightly in amusement. "-paramour that they're both welcome to join us in the dining hall at their convenience."

He turns and strolls nonchalantly down the hallway, hoping she doesn't see the laughter that he's struggling to contain, because that young man and his companions - truly the driving force behind the struggle to save his kingdom, if he understands everything that Vivi has told him over the past few days - are definitely some of the most unique and intriguing characters he's ever met.

Igaram follows reluctantly, shooting Vivi a stern look that says she's got a lot of explaining to do later, even if her father seems determined to take this in stride.

The princess sighs and sags against the door, snorting when there's an answering thump on the other side. She listens to Zoro's breathless grumbling and Luffy's gleeful snickering and hopes that Nami-san will keep her promise, because she'd like to get something positive out of this bizarre agreement, which has turned out entirely too awkward for words.

xxx

Earlier that afternoon:

"Ah, I think-"

"You assholes don't seriously intend to make Vivi-chan-"

"She drew the short straw!" Usopp argues, pointing at the twig clutched anxiously in the princess's hand.

"I don't care! I refuse to allow-"

"Vivi," Nami smiles, employing that sweet-natured voice that makes Sanji forget what he's saying in favor of noodling delightedly while everyone else cringes. "-if you make sure those two stay out of trouble, I'll conveniently forget that one million beli you owe me."

"O-Okay," the younger woman agrees, because - as she already explained to the navigator - she definitely doesn't have that much in savings, and how hard could it possibly be to play door sentry for an hour or so?


	7. Portgas D Ace: Protective Older Brother

"So, I hear you and my little brother are pretty close..."

There's a faint scraping of steel as Zoro's thumb pops Wado loose from its sheath, and Ace laughs out loud at the swordsman's dread-filled expression. "Chill out, man! I'm not gonna give you a hard time."

Crouched on the railing, he looks disturbingly like a slightly more mature version of Luffy, except for the freckles. Behind them, Zoro can hear the other Straw Hats arguing excitedly with the captain, demanding to know exactly how he and Ace can possibly be related. Luffy is laughing, and Zoro glances back to see if anyone's noticed this side conversation.

"Anyway," the division commander continues, tapping the swordsman's shoulder to get his attention again. "Once Luffy decides he's going after something, there's no arguing with him."

"So I've noticed," Zoro mutters dryly.

"And he's got a tendency to really leave his mark on people he meets." Ace raises an eyebrow and grins widely when the other man flushes darkly. "Yeah, you're not doing such a great job of hiding that."

Fuming with mortification, Zoro silently vows that he's going to tie Luffy to the anchor once his older brother leaves, because he's getting tired of telling his captain to quit leaving love bites in obvious places. He's already been catching hell from Sanji and Usopp all morning and stubbornly turning down Nami's snide offers to lend him her concealer, and now this.

"Just do me a favor-"

The swordsman tenses, because surely here come the accusations and thinly-veiled threats that imply he's not good enough for Ace's little brother and how he's going to be skinned alive if he breaks Luffy's hea-

"Make sure he's happy and keep an eye on him for me, huh? My damn kid brother's always getting himself into trouble, y'know?"

"Ah," Zoro blinks, surprised that he's not getting the lecture he expected. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Thanks," Ace grins hugely, clapping him on the shoulder. "Lemme borrow him again real quick and then I'll be on my way... Oi, Luffy! C'mere a second."

Recognizing that he's been dismissed, the swordsman stands aside as the brothers exchange a few final words, and when Ace asks the crew to take care of Luffy, he knows the flame-user's staring straight at him and offers back the briefest of nods.

xxx

Some time much later, when the somber-faced Perona presents him with a newspaper depicting his grieving captain, head bowed in prayer, at the Marineford ruins, Zoro will curse himself bitterly, knowing that he'll be forever haunted by that short conversation.

That evening he will swallow his pride and approach Mihawk with his unlikely request, determined to somehow make amends for his failure to keep his promise to a dead man.


	8. Masira & Shoujou: Monkeying Around

They're leaning back in their chairs as Sanji clears away the empty plates, and Zoro is tuning out the idle conversation, arms crossed comfortable over his chest, and slouching so low that Nami wonders if he's going to slide right under the table.

She's not quite sure how he's able to sleep with the racket outside, as Masira and Shoujou's crews hoot and holler and generally make nuisances of themselves while they escort the Straw Hats towards the location of the Knock Up Stream. It's possible that he's still sleeping off the beating he took at the bar, since they spent all night chasing around that damn bird and then waiting for Luffy to return from kicking Bellamy's ass.

Eyes closed, Zoro's head leans slightly to one side, and his breathing deepens unmistakably on its way to a low snore. Usopp eyes the swordsman, badly tempted, and idly flicks a spitball that bounces off Zoro's temple, and Chopper erupts into giggles which he quickly stifles with both hooves over his mouth.

Nami opens her mouth to reprimand them, when Zoro suddenly bolts upright with a muffled yelp, sending both younger pirates racing away from the table in terror. They flee out the doorway onto the deck, giggling and shouting as they go.

"What's wrong, Marimo?" Sanji asks, whisking away the swordsman's empty mug before he can make a move to refill it. "Why so jumpy?"

"Who's jumpy?" Zoro growls, struggling resolutely to ignore the toes kneading at the inside of his thigh. Across the table, Luffy pretends a great deal of interest in what Robin's reading, but his mischievous grin and the sly looks he keeps shooting in the swordsman's direction totally give him away.

"I'm not done with that; give it back."

The swordsman wrestles the mug out of Sanji's hands and then abruptly sends it flying across the room as Luffy's foot slides up and starts massaging his balls through his trousers.

"What is wrong with you?" Nami demands. "If you wanted it back, why'd you throw it away?"

"His moss hair's obviously started planting roots in his brain," Sanji mutters as he walks away to retrieve the errant tableware, leaving Zoro glaring murderously at his back.

Luffy snickers, wriggling his toes more firmly against the swordsman's groin and earning a stifled curse as the pressure grinds Zoro's growing erection against his lower belly. The devious grin on the captain's face earns a frown from Nami, because she knows that look too well, even if she's not entirely sure what trouble he's intent on causing.

Trapped between his captain's tormenting and the sharp-tongued navigator's wrath, Zoro squirms uncomfortably in place, prompting a scathing comment about lice and bathing from Sanji. The furious swordsman erupts from his chair, roaring back at the cook and causing Nami to choke on her drink as she spots the obvious outline in his pants.

Luffy squeaks in surprise as he's grabbed by the vest and hauled bodily across the table, trying to grab anything within reach to save himself. Nami fends off his grip, smacking him soundly as he's pulled away. "Oh no, don't expect me to defend you! You started this, so you deal with it!"

Zoro tosses the struggling captain over one shoulder, slams his chair into place under the table and stalks out the door, muttering something about inspecting the ship's armory. Nami returns to her glass, relieved that she'll be able to get to her quarters without walking in on them in the storage room. Sanji turns towards the kitchen sink, grumbling, and Robin turns another page.

"Somebody save meeeee!"

"Shut up!"

Usopp and Chopper look up from where they're sitting on the deck as they pass, Luffy clawing at the swordsman's back and wailing for someone to take pity on him. They exchange glances, decide that the dark expression on Zoro's face bodes extremely poor health for anyone stupid enough to interfere, and quickly return to their conversation as though they haven't seen anything.

"Oi! What's going on?" Masira shouts down from the larger ship drifting along next to Merry, clutching the rail. "I thought you guys were relaxing?"

Chopper jumps at the sound of the anchor deck door banging open. "N-Nothing!"

"I didn't see anything, and you didn't either!" Usopp hisses loudly, making shooing motions at the simian-faced captain.

Zoro peels Luffy off his shoulder and hurls the protesting rubber man through the doorway. There's crashing and banging noises as the captain collides with the crates stacked inside, and a cannon ball rolls out the door and down the deck, past the wide-eyed reindeer and sniper.

"He's gonna kill me!" Luffy wails, struggling to crawl back out the door in a tangle of rope. He's dragged inside as the swordsman stalks past him, and the door slams shut behind them.

"Why the hell didn't you stop him?" Shoujou demands from the opposite deck. "Mutiny's a serious-"

The brothers stare down at the smaller ship, confusion evident on their faces as they watch the two pirates roll around on the deck laughing despite the violent racket emerging from the closed cabin.

"Waitwaitwai-! OW, my ass!"

"Stop squirming and take it like a man!"

Usopp and Chopper start howling, loudly enough that Nami bursts onto the deck, screaming at them all to pipe down because they're giving her a headache. She's interrupted when the entire ship lurches suddenly, stumbling and clutching at the doorway to keep her footing.

"What the hell?" Sanji shouts from the kitchen, amidst the sound of breaking ceramic.

"O-Oi, why's your ship slowing down?"

xxx

In the end, it takes nearly an hour and a half to get underway again, because the other Straw Hats absolutely refuse to set foot past the door until Zoro emerges, looking exhausted but smugly satisfied, and leaving his panting, whimpering captain sprawled bare-assed over the anchor capstan.

Nami, who's standing outside waiting with her hands on her hips, clobbers the disheveled swordsman in the head and demands that he immediately haul in the Merry's anchor because the Saruyama brothers are insisting that they're going to miss their chance at the Knock Up Stream if they don't leave immediately.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Zoro snarls at her, just as Luffy emerges behind him, pulling up his shorts and asking why Merry's not moving.

Nami pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Consider the armory added to the banned list."


	9. Wiper: A Bird In The Hand

Although the Straw Hat's doctor did an excellent job treating him with limited medical supplies - the reindeer explained rather apologetically that most of the heavier pain medications are still back on their ship - his broken arm, although bandaged and placed carefully in a sling, throbs too badly to let him sleep. It's a relief when Aisa finally loses her determined battle to stay awake at his side, and he leaves her curled in a small ball, covered with a cloak provided by the White Berets.

It's rather bewildering, he thinks as he wanders through the campsite, picking his way around sprawled snoring bodies of Shandians and Skypieans alike, how quickly his life has changed in a matter of days. He's spent an evening watching people that he considered bitter enemies only earlier this afternoon laughing and sharing brimming mugs with his own warriors.

It won't be easy, overcoming four hundred years of prejudice and mistrust, but maybe - just maybe - they've got a chance. He recalls the Chief's joyful tears at standing on the soil of their homeland, and he knows that if the old man wants peace, he'll do everything in his power to make it happen.

Distracted by these thoughts, he's no longer watching where he's walking once he reaches the outskirts of the huge circle of sleeping bodies surrounding the extinguished fire. He's only filled with the desire to be on his feet and moving, because he's spent entirely too much of the past few hours either unconscious or flat on his back grumbling at people who won't let him sit up.

As he braces himself momentarily against a broken pillar to catch his breath, he's startled to hear the low murmur of voices.

"Zoro's hair got singed - look, it's kinda crispy here."

"Oi, don't poke at it!"

Ah, the Blue Sea dwellers. He's surprised to find any of them still awake, considering they contributed so much of their energy to the fighting. He eases around the pillar, but his greeting dies on his lips as he tries to figure out exactly what they're doing.

The green-haired swordsman's sitting with his back propped against a chunk of masonry, his sheathed blades leaning against the stone beside him. He's fending off a curious hand belonging to the Mugiwara captain - the rubber guy that trounced Enel and rang the Golden Bell - who's curled in his lap and tucked comfortably against his torso. They're alone, no crew mates in sight.

"Stupid Earlobes," Luffy grumbles, his fingers curling into a fist against Zoro's palm. He leans his head against the older pirate's chest, listening to the reassuring sound of the heart pounding under his ear, and sighs as the swordsman gently pries his fingers open so he can kiss each one.

Wiper blinks, dumbfounded. Are these really the same hardened warriors who defeated Enel and his men? Right now they look like a couple of quarreling teenage Shandian lovers, and his brain can't quite equate the two images. He's very likely forgotten the fact that they probably are teenagers, since he tends to mentally divide everyone into two categories: warrior and not-warrior.

"I'm not the only one that got flash-fried," Zoro points out, sounding slightly amused as he laces their fingers together and nuzzles his cheek against the back of Luffy's hand. "Usopp and the shitty cook got hit too. And Robin."

"Yeah, but Chopper said Zoro got zapped like three times AND cut up by swords AND ripped up by barbed wire," the captain huffs, trying to look annoyed although he's slightly distracted by the sensation of skin on skin. "AND ran face-first into an iron wall AND-"

Wiper's jaw is now hanging open, because although he knew the swordsman was tough from watching the man fight, he hadn't quite realized exactly how much damage-

"-had big chunks of buildings fall on him AND-"

"You got eaten by a giant snake!" Zoro protests, because Luffy's eyes are starting to take on the wet shiny look that means they might start brimming over if he gets worked up any more, and if there's one thing the swordsman feels completely inept at dealing with, it's a crying captain. "And stabbed and burned and stretched completely out of shape and hit by way more lightning than-"

"But that's okay because I'm rubber! Zoro's not rubber!" Luffy wails in his face, a fist lashing out, and the older pirate nearly doubles over because the flailing knuckles just caught him directly in the bandaged gash left by Ohm's Eisen Whip.

"Ow, shit! Damn it, Luffy!"

"Stupid Earlobes! Stupid ZORO!"

"Stop hitting me!"

Wiper just... stares. There's no doubt about it; these people are monsters. Although perhaps he was mistaken about what he witnessed earlier; he doesn't know much about pirates, so maybe what looked like affection was actually just some sort of strange male bonding between crewmates.

The swordsman finally catches both pummeling fists and tries to straighten up, although his body insists on hunching over to protect his wounded chest and shoulder. He glares at Luffy with watering eyes. "If you still want sex, you better knock it off, or you're not getting any."

His captain's instantly contrite, snuggling against his chest and plastering his neck and jaw with hasty, apologetic kisses. "Zoro~"

"Oi, isn't it about time you got lost?"

It takes Wiper a few seconds to realize that these words are directed at him. "Wha-?"

"I said beat it."

Luffy snickers, leaning back slightly to give the swordsman's hands more maneuvering room as they slide under the tattered remnants of his vest. "Mmm, I like when Zoro talks dirty..."

"Oh, you do, eh?" The older pirate hums, disregarding Wiper's stumbling exit in favor of focusing on his captain's sharp intake of breath when he ducks his head to fasten his mouth against Luffy's collarbone, fingers trailing down to tug insistently at the top of his shorts.

The button comes off in his hand, and they both glance down at it in amusement before Luffy breaks into a sharp-toothed grin and pins Zoro flat against the broken wall at his back. "I claim captain's right - Zoro's my spoils of war!"

"O-Oi, we were both on the same side, you idiot. Don't- mmph!"

xxx

Once again sitting beside Aisa and watching her sleep, because it seems to be the safest place where he's least likely to blunder across any more perverse Blue Sea pirates, Wiper nearly jumps out of his skin when a hand drops down on his shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Laki asks, blinking in surprise at her leader's violent reaction. "Wiper, is everything alright?"

"F-Fine," he mutters gruffly, hoping she doesn't see the flush spread across his cheeks. The moon is damnably bright tonight, thanks to the Mugiwara captain's disruption of the storm clouds.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?"

He does, actually, but he keeps his protests to himself, tensing a bit as she drops down beside him and slowly relaxing when he realizes that her attention is focused on the girl sleeping beside him.

"That was very sweet of them," Laki observes, straightening the cloak covering Aisa. "Do you think-"

She pauses, frowning. "Wiper, did you hear that? It sounded like-"

"Birds!" Wiper blurts, nearly choking on his own saliva in his haste to get the word out. "It's just those damn birds, all riled up by all the lightning and explosions."


	10. Conis: Getting A Good Vibe

Scowling broadly at the ceiling as he listens to Pagaya's apologetic attempt to explain the process of manufacturing cloud-based materials to his nakama in the other room, Zoro wiggles his bandaged toes experimentally and curses his bad luck, because no amount of grumbling and snarled threats has convinced Chopper to rescind his stern orders for the older pirate to lay down and stay put until told otherwise.

In the process of fishing Luffy out of the White-White Sea, the swordsman somehow managed to step on some sort of weird urchin, although he honestly hadn't noticed until Usopp started shrieking rather hysterically about the broken spines sticking out of his foot. When their doctor finally calmed down, aided by a casual but distracted smack from Sanji, who'd been busy admiring Nami's newfound waver-riding skills, it'd been all Zoro could do to talk Chopper out of carrying him up the stairs using Heavy Point.

As it was, he'd had to endure a flood of apologies and worried inquiries from the Skypiea residents, as well as the cook's relentless bitching about his leaving a trail of bloody footprints up the poor angel's front steps.

Conis, looking so distressed that it nearly prompted a fistfight when Sanji felt inclined to stomp on Zoro's injured foot after the swordsman muttered at her to stop looking like she'd been the one to step on the fucking thing, had insisted on giving them the use of her room.

She'd hovered anxiously nearby until Chopper produced a pair of pliers from his medical bag and then promptly fled the room, returning only briefly to peek through the doorway and to timidly offer to fetch the older pirate a glass of water after the doctor departed with a heap of soiled towels, but she'd immediately retreated again under the weight of Zoro's silent glare.

Too damn flighty, the swordsman muses, tucking both arms behind the pillow resting under his head. He really doesn't understand the cook's taste in women; it's like the stupid curly-brow bastard doesn't even realize each one's got a totally different personality - probably because he's too busy oogling their-

There's something hard digging into his forearm and he frowns, groping blindly under the pillow until his fingers encounter an elongated object.

He pulls the thing out and holds it up, brow furrowing more intently, because although he's not exactly sure what he's found, he sure as hell knows what it looks like. "No way..."

Zoro sits up and starts turning the device over in his hand, trying to convince himself that he's just imagining the resemblance because Conis doesn't look like the type of angel - girl, whatever - to keep such things hidden under her pillow, so surely it's something else and he's badly mistaken. This is all Luffy's fault; thanks to his captain's enthusiastic overtures, he's apparently now obsessed enough with sex to see perverted uses for even perfectly innocent-

There's a faint click, and he jumps and nearly drops the damn thing in his lap when it starts buzzing and jittering in his hand, cursing softly as he eyes the empty doorway. He swears again, slightly louder this time, when his frantic poking and prodding produces no effect and he abruptly realizes he doesn't know how the hell to turn it off.

Conis scares him half to death when she appears suddenly at the bedside, plucking the phallic object from the startled swordsman's fingers. She hurls it into a nearby drawer, slams it shut, and freezes with her hands still grasping the dresser's edge, blushing furiously, and that confirms his suspicions quite effectively.

Zoro bites his tongue, overcome with the urge to start snickering madly, because he can still hear faint humming from the bed, and they stare at each other in awkward silence, the angel's wings trembling uncontrollably.

"P-Please don't-"

"Where can I find one of those?" He blurts without thinking, his brain preoccupied with thoughts of getting his captain alone in the anchor room for a few hours, and Conis blinks.

The swordsman makes a horrid choking noise as he realizes what he's just said. "N-Not that I want one or anything-"

It's his turn to escape for the safety of the living room, and to his immense relief, Chopper just points a hoof at the nearby couch and beams happily when the older pirate drops into it without argument as Conis trails in behind him. He slouches into the cloud cushions, trying to ignore the way their new friend keeps stealing speculative glances at him from across the room as she starts searching for something to entertain Luffy and Usopp while her father leads Sanji to the kitchen.

xxx

Later, much later, when they're loading their hard-earned treasure into Merry's hold under Nami's intense scrutiny, Zoro slips out of sight for a much-needed break - fed up with the navigator's insistence on pelting him with her fists every time he accidentally scuffs gold statues that he knows damn well she can't lift herself - and nearly collides with Conis as he looks over his shoulder to see if that bitchy woman's noticed he's disappeared.

"Oi, what're you doing here?"

The angel smiles up at him, eyes wandering over the gauze wrapped snugly around his chest and arms. She knows his nakama bear similar bandages, covering wounds gained in their valiant efforts to defend her island. "My father and I agreed to guide you to Cloud's End."

"Ah," Zoro grunts, relieved because this means he'll be able to sneak back onboard without Nami noticing; she'll be too busy discussing their upcoming descent with Pagaya.

As he turns away, Conis's fingers catch his elbow and he glances back, raising an eyebrow.

"He's your lover, isn't he? Your captain?"

The swordsman shuffles a bit, unable to prevent the heat rising in his face because no one, not even Robin - who he swears sometimes makes it her purpose in life to embarrass the hell out of him - has ever referred to their relationship this way. He's used to himself and Luffy being addressed as 'you guys' and sometimes 'you shitty perverted guys' but none of the other Straw Hats have ever called the younger pirate his lover before.

But he supposes she's right, considering what he and Luffy just did last night in the city ruins after running off that suicidal Shandian guy whose name Zoro can't remember. He isn't quite sure how he feels about his captain - he's been reevaluating his own thoughts and beliefs regarding companionship and loyalty and sex ever since the rubberman cut him loose from that splintered post - but they've kept their fucking mutually exclusive to each other and when he thinks about anyone else touching Luffy that way, it makes him want to break things.

If this means he actually loves his captain in the romantic here-I-picked-these-flowers-for-you sense, he's got no clue; he's never bothered with stuff like this before.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so..."

"I could tell," Conis breathes, looking away as she starts rummaging through the bag hanging at her side. "I've seen how you look at him."

"I don't-"

The angel pushes a small wrapped package into his hands before he can finish his protest. "Please consider this a personal thank-you for all you've done. I-It's for your captain too, so-"

"Wha-"

"DON'T open it around your friends," she cautions, color rising in her face, and before Zoro can ask her what the hell she's talking about, she's sprinting away in the direction of the ship. "We'll be leaving soon, so please don't wander off."

"It's not like I'm gonna get lost," the swordsman grumbles to himself as he frowns down at the parcel in his hand. He peels back the paper and utters a loud GAH of surprise, immediately looking around wildly to make sure he's alone, because it's all bullshit - that girl's no angel.

He stuffs the whole thing, packaging and all, into his haramaki and yanks his shirt hem down to hide the bulge before strolling off after Conis, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he finds himself excitedly considering the possibilities.

xxx

When they eventually send Sanji to fetch him, because he's gotten hopelessly turned around even though he's positive he knows where the ship's docked - they must've frickin' moved it while he was gone - he's already formulated a plan to talk Luffy into kicking the other guys out of the men's quarters tonight.

Stopping with his arms crossed a few feet away, the cook takes a long drag off his cigarette and glares at him. "Why the hell are you grinning like that, Marimo? It's fucking creepy."

xxx

"Why-" Luffy asks suspiciously, "-does Zoro wanna stick that in my butt?"

Curled sideways in the older pirate's lap with his back pressed against the sofa's arm, he's already damp with sweat and squirming each time the hand grasping his erection strokes him firmly from root to tip, but he isn't sure he likes the blunt-ended spiral seashell that his swordsman's running teasingly along his inner thigh.

"C'mon, it'll feel good, I promise," Zoro coaxes, teeth raking the side of his captain's neck as he rolls his thumb, smearing the slippery moisture beaded at the tip of Luffy's cock.

The younger pirate shudders, wrapping one arm around his neck and wriggling higher, struggling to escape the shell's tip, which has just resumed tracing slow circles around the puckered entrance between his ass cheeks. "I don't want it, I want Zoro, 'cause that thing's too-"

Too hard, he's about to say, but then the swordsman's fingers shift, producing a faint click, and he yelps, flailing, as powerful vibrations start rippling through the shell as it's pushed carefully into him.

Zoro grunts, surprised at how violently the thing's buzzing in his hand; the other one must have been worn out or something, because it wasn't this strong. Or loud. He's suddenly very glad that their other crew members have plenty to keep them occupied, because the damn shell's probably whirring loud enough to be heard outside the men's quarters door.

But Nami's busy admiring her gold, and Usopp and Chopper are sorting through the sniper's new dial collection - which, the swordsman's quite confident, doesn't include one like this - and the eyebrow cook's pampering the women. Robin, even if she's indulging his ridiculous pirouetting, could still have eyes and ears anywhere, but Zoro can't quite bring himself to care, too entranced with the effects caused by what he's doing.

Luffy's floundering helplessly in his arms, gasps and moans interspersed with hysterical-sounding giggles, because the pulsations feel good but they also tickle. Until the older pirate twists his wrist, and the captain squeals, eyes widening enormously as the shell presses directly on that spot, which normally feels really good but is now devastatingly pleasurable.

"Mmm, you're leaking all over my hand even though you didn't come yet," Zoro murmurs in his ear, barely noticing when clutching fingers rake his back and shoulders forcefully enough to tear the bandages he's still wearing. "And you're so hard..."

"I'm g-gonna, I'm gonna come," his captain pants, shuddering as he arches, head pressing back against the cushions, and a quiver of excitement grips the swordsman's belly because Luffy's so incoherent he's actually drooling, saliva trickling from one corner of his mouth.

"Gonna come, Zoro, please-"

The older pirate's hand speeds up, pumping harder, and the rubberman wails as his body seizes and spills heavily over the fingers squeezing him. Zoro groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he buries his face against Luffy's neck, breathing heavily because he's just ejaculated all over his captain's lower back, too overwhelmed by his desperate noises and warm skin rubbing firmly against him to hold back.

"Off!" Luffy gasps finally, writhing and whimpering as vibrations continue assaulting his hyper-stimulated body. "Turn it off, turn it off!"

The swordsman fumbles for the button he can't see, accidentally nudging the shell a little deeper, and the younger pirate cries out and claws his shoulders until Zoro finally gives up and just slides the whole thing out, dropping it on the floor beside the sofa.

Luffy sighs in relief, sagging bonelessly in his lap, although the swordsman can still feel him trembling all over, like a wind-blown leaf.

"I can't move, I think I might be dead..." He leans his head wearily against the older pirate's chest and snuggles closer, a puzzled look crossing his face when he realizes that his skin's slick with more than just his own release. "Oi, my butt's all wet - did Zoro-?"

"Eh, yeah," Zoro confesses hesitantly, his embarrassment fading when his admission earns him a delighted hug, and he watches his captain scoop up the still-whirring shell for a closer look. With a bit of searching, Luffy finally locates the indentation on the base and clicks it off, and they both stare at it in silence before turning to look at each other.

"I changed my mind," the captain declares, brandishing the vibrator resolutely. "I like this thing."

"Told you," the swordsman mutters, raising an eyebrow and hoping their nakama will be sufficiently busy for a little while longer when the younger pirate eyes him thoughtfully, slowly spinning the dial in his hand end over end. "Skypiea's fucking awesome. We need to go back there someday and thank Conis."


	11. Rocket Man Allies: Rocket In My Pocket

There's way too many goddamn people crammed into Rocket Man's single cabin, Zoro thinks irritably as he attempts to peel off his wet shirt without accidentally smashing an elbow into somebody's face. The Sea Train sways dangerously as the tracks curve through another wave, far smaller than the one he and Luffy just blasted a passage through but still impressive enough to send everyone scrambling to keep their footing, and the swordsman's forced to duck to avoid being sideswiped by the ridiculous hair of a Square Sister.

Yes, it's entirely too crowded, he muses as he glances down at his captain, who's hopping madly on one foot as he fights to yank up his new shorts. As usual, Luffy's forgone the inconvenience of undergarments, and his bare ass is sticking out below the hem of his vest.

Zoro's fingers twitch as he wads his shirt into a dripping ball and tosses it aside without looking, drawing a cry of protest from Chopper when it lands on the reindeer's head and promptly gets tangled in his antlers, but the swordsman doesn't notice.

The train lurches again, sending Luffy stumbling against him, and the older pirate instinctively reaches out with steadying hands. He tenses, a faint grunt escaping his throat, as his captain's fingers knot in his haramaki as the younger man struggles to keep his balance.

He steals a surreptitious glance about them, smirking when he sees that Nami's providing a welcome distraction as she searches for an unoccupied corner to change, resolutely ignoring the wolf whistles and excited urging to "take it off!" from the men nearby as well as Paulie's red-faced distress.

"Commando again, eh?" Zoro murmurs as he drops into a crouch, arms encircling his captain's waist as he tugs the rubber man's shorts into place, and if his fingers linger slightly longer than necessary, neither of them are complaining.

"Yep," Luffy grins cheekily, peering down at him. "Don't really see the point when Zoro's just taking them off all the time anyway."

The swordsman's eyes darken, and when the locomotive seesaws again, he uses it as an excuse to nuzzle his face against the younger pirate's stomach as he fastens the button under his chin with trembling fingers, because he wants very, very badly to tear his captain's clothing loose and wipe that smug look off his face.

Luffy laughs, his voice holding a note of frustration, because he's recognized and shares the tension gripping his lover. Their opponent might have been nothing more than the ocean itself, but he's a bit high on adrenaline from their combined attack, and he's well aware that a good fight - especially one where they've stood side-by-side - always super-charges the other man's libido.

"Want you," Zoro growls softly, face hidden against him, and the captain inhales sharply because his swordsman's breath feels hot against his skin through his damp vest.

"Later," Luffy promises, stroking fingers through green hair. "After we get Robin back."

They're starting to draw attention from those around them, and while he certainly doesn't mind, he knows Zoro gets strangely bashful about these things, so he nudges the older man's shoulder with his knee. "Oi, better finish getting dressed."

"Oi~ whatcha doin'?" A voice squeals suddenly in the swordsman's ear, and he jumps, arms pin-wheeling as he abruptly releases his grip on Luffy only to lose his balance and fall on his rear. He glares up at Chimney, who takes one look at his annoyed expression and bursts into high-pitched giggles, speeding off while her cat-rabbit thing in tow.

The captain's snickering as he watches Zoro, grimacing, roll to his feet, because it's not often that someone actually succeeds in sneaking up on the swordsman, although the way the older pirate's trying to yank his haramaki lower to hide the distinct bulge in his trousers might have something to do with it.

"Got a problem?"

"Laugh all you want now, 'cause later I'm gonna pound you 'til you can't walk."

He speaks a little louder than he intended, prompting hearty laughter from Kokoro, who's been watching them from her bench seat, and the older woman utters a lewd comment that makes both men flush, favoring them with a sly wink before tilting back her half-empty bottle.

Bristling, the color in his face deepening because the conductor's granddaughter has returned and is now bouncing excitedly at his side, asking at the top of her not-inconsiderable lungs if Kaizoku Nii-chan is his boyfriend, Zoro grabs for the nearest unclaimed clothing.

Luffy, laughing uproariously at his scowling face, breaks off to peer inquisitively at his new attire, admiring the way the jacket frames the older pirate's bare chest. He's amused but not surprised when the swordsman leaves it unzipped, considering he never bothers buttoning his shirts either.

"Frickin' god-awful color-" Zoro mutters as he reties his bandana around his bicep. "-kinda like that hideous shirt the damn eyebrow cook's wearing. But at least it fits."

His pants and boots, although soaked and making small squelching noises every time he moves, will have to do. He's got no intention of showing everybody that he's capable of practicing four-sword style at the moment, especially not with the kid hanging around.

"Mmm, I like it," his captain disagrees cheerfully, wrapping his fists in the jacket's lapels so he can yank the older man's head down. "Zoro's got handles."

"Oi, what are y-" His protest is muffled by Luffy's mouth, and there's surprised laughter and several cat calls from nearby Franky Family members. Chimney skips away giggling and singing gleefully about kissing pirates, nearly colliding with Paulie's legs as he comes stomping in their direction.

"Mugiwara, you better tell that navigator of yours that her behavior is- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Oh, is she done changing already?" Luffy asks, one hand still gripping his stunned swordsman by the collar as he absentmindedly strokes his fingers down the older pirate's scarred chest, peering past the fuming, blushing shipwright. "Oi, Nami, that looks cool!"

"Thanks, L-" The red-head glances up from where she's making a few final adjustments to her Clima-Tact. "Luffy, why is Zoro turning purple?"

"What-" Paulie demands, teeth grinding so violently that they nearly bite straight through his cigar. "-is wrong with your crew? You're all a bunch of immoral-"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes m-"

"See, see that? You're already corrupting the next generation!"

"I don't think that kid's got the best role model to begin with," Zoro mutters, endeavoring to wrestle himself free from his captain's firm grip so he can slink off to find somewhere to hide and die of embarrassment in peace. Unfortunately, there isn't actually anywhere to go, unless-

"Uhm, honey, I really don't think it works that way." Nami pats Chimney's head, struggling valiantly not to laugh, as the younger girl wraps an arm around her leg and chants loudly about baby carriages.

Mozu and Kiwi nudge each other. "They're cute together, aren't they?" "Very cute, yes."

"HAHA, LOOK, LULU, THAT GUY DIDN'T BREAK A SWEAT FACING AQUA LAGUNA BUT NOW HE'S BLUSHING!"

"Not so loud, Tilestone, or he'll hear you."

"-horribly depraved-!"

"Oi, Roronoa, so if Mugiwara's your captain- does that mean he makes you bottom?"

"Nah, but Zoro likes-"

"Luffy, SHUT UP!"

"Nga ga ga ga!"

Throwing himself into the stormy ocean off a fast moving train suddenly seems like an excellent idea.


	12. Sanji: If You Can't Take The Heat

"Whew!" Usopp sighs as he drops onto the bench seat beside the crew's newest member, fumbling briefly with his mug and nearly dumping its contents in his own lap when he leans over to nudge the cook's arm with drunken familiarity. "So many people wanna - hic! - hear about the heroic exploits of Captain Usopp- all that talking's thirsty work!"

"Hmm?" Sanji, leaning forward with both elbows on the table and his chin resting on his laced fingers, doesn't tear his gaze away from where Nami's seated with her sister several yards away, both girls flushed pink and giggling with their arms draped around each other's shoulder.

"Whatcha doin' over here anyway?" Usopp demands, plucking at the older man's sleeve. "They just brought out more food 'n' booze 'n' stuff but it's not gonna - hic! - last long when Luffy-"

Nojiko says something that makes Nami throw back her head with helpless laughter, and the sniper scowls as he realizes that the cook's completely ignoring him. "Oi-"

"My goddess of navigation," Sanji sighs, his mouth curling into a decidedly dopey smile.

"Huh?"

"She's not just beautiful and talented- she's got the sweetest voice I've ever heard..."

"Who?" Usopp frowns, puzzled. "I don't know any girls like that- 'cept Kaya, of course, but she's not-"

"Nami-san, you idiot!"

"What, her?" The younger pirate asks incredulously, gesturing at the tipsy red-head. He upends his mug, swallowing noisily, and wipes his mouth with his forearm, ignoring the remaining drops of alcohol that spatter his overalls. "Ha, forget it. Captain Usopp's already got women - two hundred and fifty-five to be exact - begging for him to abandon his adventures and settle d-"

"Are you blind, man?" Sanji interrupts, looking highly perturbed, as though he finds the sniper's lack of interest offensive. "How the hell can you look on that perfection and not feel like you've been struck by the hammer of love?"

"She's certainly got fists like hammers," Usopp mutters, having already been on the receiving end of said fists frequently enough to earn a healthy respect for the navigator's quick temper.

"What was that?" The blond hisses, glaring at him.

"N-Nothing."

"Oh well, I suppose I should be glad." The cook's scowl fades slightly. "If you're not interested, then I've got one less rival for her affections."

"Rival-? Who-?"

"And definitely not the captain- I don't think that guy would know what to do with a woman, much less a lady like Nami-san," Sanji muses. "So my only serious competition's gotta be the first mate, right? That green-haired muscle-head with the swords- Roronoa-"

He's startled when Usopp makes a strangled noise somewhere between shock and amusement.

"What? What the hell's so funny?"

"Zoro wouldn't touch Nami with a ten-foot pole. Besides, he's, ah, kinda spoken for already."

"... interesting. So, do I say congratulations or punch you for the two hundred and fifty-five ladies you've been stringing along?" Sanji asks dryly, and the sniper's mouth drops open, his empty mug hitting the ground and rolling under the bench.

"No, I didn't mean me!" He exclaims, wrinkling his nose. "I don't go for guys- I definitely like girls!"

"Well, who else-"

"Luffy! Zoro's with Luffy!"

"You're shitting me. The captain and the-" A thought- several thoughts, actually, occur to the cook, and his surprised expression relaxes into a smirk. "Right, sure. You tell a lot of bullshit stories, doncha? I heard some of that crap you were jabbering about how you saved our asses from those damn fishmen earlier today. "

He rises to his feet, dusting off his suit jacket, and ignoring his crewmate's protests. "I bet that Marimo put you up to this, wanted me to let my guard down so I thought he wasn't a threat to my happiness with Nami-san. Well, guess what- you're a really shitty liar."

"S-Sanji, I'm not-"

"Where the hell is that frickin' swordsman, anyway? I haven't seen him or Luffy since that doctor-"

Usopp coughs and makes a crude but unmistakable gesture with his thumb and forefinger and the middle finger of his opposite hand, and the cook smacks him, glancing hurriedly around to make sure that no sensitive female eyes have witnessed such an offensive sight.

"Ow! I'm serious- they're probably banging in the doctor's clinic or something. Fighting always gets 'em really fired up, but at least we're not on the ship tonight, so I don't gotta share a room with them. Last time, I didn't get any sleep- see, they busted the springs in the sofa, so it kept making this god-awful squeaking sound, and Luffy wouldn't stop talking about what they were doing the whole damn time and the noise kept me up all-"

"Cut the crap!" Sanji snarls, slamming his hand down on the table. "Even if the captain and his first mate really were bumping uglies, which I can guarantee they're not 'cause you couldn't tell a lie to save your life, they both got the shit kicked out of them today. We all did. Nobody's in any shape to pull any more stunts, much less go at it like a couple of fucking catamounts in heat."

"Fine, don't believe me," the sniper mutters, sliding from his seat and heading unsteadily back towards the buffet table and another drink. "Just don't expect any sympathy from me if you get more of an eyeful than you expected."

xxx

"Shitty liar," Sanji grumbles again, fuming as he stomps away from the crowded square, leaving behind the firelight and the villagers' drunken shouts for Captain Usopp to continue his bold tales. "Shitty liar full of stupid shitty stories."

He's fairly sure the sniper's correct about one thing at least- considering the massive sword wound on his chest from his botched confrontation with Hawk-Eyes and the additional injuries he received during their battle with Arlong and his crew, Roronoa's undoubtedly still in bed. Out of commission, and if the former bounty hunter's goofy friends Johnny and Yosaku are to be believed, probably sleeping it off.

Couple of crackpots, breaking into obnoxious guffaws and titters when he demanded they tell him their older friend's whereabouts, babbling something about polishing swords - pure bullshit, because Sanji knows damn well that two of the swordsman's three katana have been broken - before assuring him that he'll find his wayward nakama tucked safely into bed and then running off with tears of laughter in their eyes when the irritated blond accused them of being in on the sniper's shitty joke.

Upon arriving at the clinic doorstep, he doesn't bother knocking and just shoves his way inside, shouting for the goddamn moss-head to stop screwing around and challenge him directly for the navigator's affections. He doesn't care that he's making a racket; everybody else is busy enjoying themselves and getting smashed, so it's not like he's disturbing anybody important.

He supposes he ought to feel guilty disturbing the other man's rest, but with Nami-san's honor at stake-!

In fact, the cook's making so much noise himself that he doesn't catch the murmur of lowered voices and badly muffled gasps. "Oi, idiot Marimo, how dare y-!"

At first, he's not quite sure what he's seeing, because the single occupied bed's filled with squirming, writhing flesh that resembles something like a mass of earthworms, and then his dazed brain starts to connect the dots and process the fact that he's looking at two people entwined in such an impossible and inexplicable sexual position that he can't even tell which limbs belong to whom.

"What the- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

There's a startled curse, and Sanji watches both his nakama crash to the floor as Zoro attempts to dive for cover and fails to extricate himself from the stretchy arms and legs and-

 _Oh dear god_ , the flabbergasted blond thinks, hastily averting his eyes, because if that other... thing... is really what it looks like-

He's hoping he's wrong, but considering where the extra appendage was anchored in the brief glimpse he got before frantically refocusing his gaze on the nearby window, its identity is pretty unmistakable, and Sanji knows he's never, ever, ever going to be able to watch the rubber man utilize his Akuma no Mi abilities again without recalling this moment, because that brief glimpse has seared itself into his memory. _Gah! It's true! It's totally true- what's been seen can never be unseen!_

Later, he'll tease the swordsman mercilessly about this whole encounter, but for now he's too shocked by the realization that he's walked in on his male crewmates. Screwing each other. SIMULTANEOUSLY.

 _Not- not physically possible, but that's what-! Must- go look at breasts- scour this moment from my brain!_

"WH-WHAT THE FUCK?" Zoro roars, face blazing crimson as he pops back up with Luffy still draped over him like a second skin, snaking limbs wrapped securely around him. The embarrassed swordsman's eyes dart towards Wado where it's leaning casually against the wall by the bed, as though he's briefly considering whether or not he can eliminate the intruder without being impeded by the body pressed snuggly against his own. He settles for yanking the bed sheet loose from the mattress and dragging it loosely around their waists in a well-intentioned but horribly belated attempt at modesty. "GET OUT!"

"Hi, Sanji!" The captain calls, ignoring his enraged lover - _holy shit, HOLY SHIT, Usopp was telling the TRUTH_ \- and snapping one arm back to normal so he can wave cheerfully at the cook. "Give me and Zoro a few more minutes, and we'll be out, okay?"

With that, he promptly dismisses the blond's presence and hooks a finger in the bandages encircling Zoro's torso, tugging the wrappings aside as he nuzzles his nose against the older pirate's collarbone, trying to lick the edge of the freshly stitched wound and grinning when his touch draws a faint growl.

"O-Oi," Sanji protests weakly, taking a step back. "Aren't you both still injured?"

That disturbs him more than anything else, he thinks: he doesn't particularly care that they're both guys, or that they're captain and first mate - well, at least he assumes Roronoa's the first mate, considering Usopp didn't dispute the title earlier - or even that they're obviously into some pretty kinky shit. It's the idea that they're completely unfazed by and dismissive of the wounds that rightly should have killed them, enough so that they either haven't noticed or don't care that Luffy's dressings are peeling loose or that they've left dark bloodstains on the hospital bed's fitted sheet.

"Brilliant skills of observa- mmph!" Zoro twitches, nostrils flaring as the tongue exploring his pectoral darts out to flicker against the nipple that's been left miraculously unscathed by the laceration dividing his chest. "Oi, Luffy, knock it off- that asshole's still standing there!"

"Shishishi... maybe Sanji wants to stay and watch?" The captain lifts his head, and the cook's horrified objection emerges as an unmanly squeak of protest when he sees the crimson smear at the corner of Luffy's mouth and the way the younger pirate's pupils are dilated to pinpricks.

To Sanji's consternation - the situation's just gone from odd to downright surreal, because he swears they look like they might start brawling even though they're still intimately connected - _GAH! Don't think about it! Think about breasts! Big beautiful bountiful bouncing breasts!_ \- Zoro doesn't bat an eye at the sight of his own blood, just fixes the rubber man with a foreboding glare.

"Forget it," he snarls, pushing forcefully on the younger pirate's face in a futile attempt to free himself, and the tense moment dissolves with the ensuing comical stretching noise. "That's enough for tonight- now get off me, you idiot!"

"Zoro~!" Luffy whines against the palm smashed over his mouth, tightening his grasp and wriggling provocatively, and when the swordsman utters a low, throaty rumble and drops the sheet he's holding to clutch forcefully at the captain's hips, staggering slightly as he struggles to keep his knees from buckling, Sanji calmly turns and exits, closing the door quietly behind him.

Blank-faced, he leans against the side of the building, fumbling clumsily for a cigarette and trying to figure out what the hell he's gotten himself into, agreeing to join a crew with such a bunch of weird-

"Ah, Sanji-kun, what are you doing here? You missed the last round of toasts."

"N-Nami-san?" _Oh shit, I've gotta get her away from here before-_

He cringes, dropping his matches, as the captain abruptly moans Roronoa's name in an unmistakably sexual tone and Zoro answers with an equally ardent growl. _Think quick, damn it! Any reasonable excuse will do, just don't let this pure, innocent angel discover what's going on behind that-!_

Nami raises an eyebrow, and the cook, opening his mouth to blurt out that he's pretty sure that Luffy and Zoro are busy fighting, possibly dying - anything BUT screwing each other senseless - and really shouldn't be disturbed, finds himself speechless at the smirk surfacing on his female crewmate's face.

"Mmm, that explains why I haven't seen those two for a while. I hope they don't break anything this time- Usopp won't stop fussing about the damn sofa, and Zoro already owes me for repairing that crack they put in the bath tub."

As though her very words have prompted catastrophe, there's a loud crash, followed by the swordsman's sharp, scolding tone for the captain to "be more careful, damn it-!" and Luffy laughing and assuring the older pirate that he'll try, but it's really hard to control his Gomu Gomu powers when "Zoro's making that face like he's gonna explode any second."

Zoro's angry retort that he's making no such expression cuts short, replaced by harsh panting and the rubber man's triumphant exclamation that yes, that's exactly the one he means.

"Boys," the navigator sighs. "I'm pretty sure that sounded like the bed frame snapping. Don't you think so, Sanji-kun?"

"...!" The blond replies helpfully.

"Oh well, at least this way they're not wrecking the ship. If we're lucky, Doctor Nako will be too hung over tomorrow morning to notice, and we'll be long gone by the time he does, so I won't have to pay him for the damages." Nami snorts - Sanji's a bit startled at the unladylike sound, but she's his goddess of navigation, which means he's willing to make allowances - and grabs the blushing cook by the jacket cuff. "C'mon, we'd better get back and fill our plates before they finish up, or there'll be nothing left. Luffy's already bad enough about stuffing his face when he's hungry, but he's like a bloody bottomless pit after sex."

"B-But-!"

"Quit dragging your feet! And why do you look like you've been hit by a ton of bricks, anyway? I know Usopp and Johnny and Yosaku all told you to leave them alone, so it's your own damn fault for walking in on it. At least you had somebody to warn you- nobody told me I'd be stuck listening to those horny idiots groping each other in a leaky boat in the middle of the ocean. At least I've got my own room on the Merry now, and they usually quiet down if I bang on the floor when they're getting too noisy, but I'd strongly advise knocking whenever you want to use the bathroom. Or get something from the storage-"

The navigator drags him towards the town square, explaining blithely that he'd also best avoid the crow's nest when either the swordsman or the captain is supposed to be on watch.

"-but at least Zoro's got insanely fast reflexes, so you can usually count on him to drop whatever he's doing in a pinch, like the time we got attacked while he and Luffy were messing around, and he came flying out of the anchor room wearing nothing but his bandana. Probably shocked the hell out of those Marines- I know it surprised me. Would you believe that green hair's actually natural?"

 _That BASTARD_ , Sanji thinks darkly, casting a menacing glare back over his shoulder.

xxx

When their crewmates finally emerge and join the celebration, Luffy launching an immediate and merciless assault on the loaded buffet table as Zoro parks himself near the barrels of alcohol with a mug in each hand, the cook drops onto the opposite bench and glowers menacingly at the other pirate.

"What the hell's your problem, Swirly-brow?"

"Your face, Marimo."

They're snarling insults and trading blows when Nami approaches and clobbers them both, sending Zoro's sword spinning out of his hand and Sanji nose-first into the dirt. "Cool it, both of you! You're ruining the mood!"

"N-Nami-san- Nami-san just hit me..." The blond watches the navigator's retreating back with wide eyes, but before the smirking swordsman can open his mouth to say something degrading, the cook's leaping up and racing after the red-head, his lower half whirling like a tornado. "Nami-swan~! Nami-swan's fists of love-!"

"Jeez," Zoro mutters, scowling unhappily at the layer of dust settling on the liquid still inside his mug. "What a fucking weirdo, getting off on shit like that."


	13. Zoro: First Time For Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a companion piece for Nami's Encounter fic, because it's pretty much the same story from Zoro's perspective and covers what Nami missed before and after she misunderstood the situation and started threatening to kick his ass for "defiling" Luffy. Warnings for explicit sex; this is pretty much PWP.

This is absolutely not, the dazed swordsman thinks as he groans and writhes under Luffy's weight, how he expected to lose his virginity. There's supposed to be an expensive dinner, a soft bed with satin sheets, a blushing, bare-breasted girl.

Instead, he's sprawled mostly-naked in a leaky boat with his panting captain buried ball-deep in his protesting rear, wincing as every thrust drives his back and shoulders against the splintery planks and hoping like hell that their new navigator doesn't venture out of her cabin again. His spine is screaming in protest and he's pretty sure that he's re-opened the knife wound Buggy left in his side, because there's liquid warmth too thick to be merely sweat trickling down his skin.

Luffy is too rough and way too loud, and their frantic coupling is clumsy and unskilled, but this evening they've reached an unspoken agreement that rushed hand-jobs while Nami's preoccupied with her maps will just not be enough to satisfy either of them.

xxx

After spending the afternoon sleeping like a rock and supposedly missing out on a strange adventure involving some guy stuck in a box - which sounds like a load of shit, but the captain's so excited about it that he doesn't quite have the heart to tell him so - the swordsman's wide awake and entirely too keyed up once darkness falls and Nami calls it a night. When Luffy sidles over and flops into his lap, peering up at him speculatively as he tugs at Zoro's haramaki, the older pirate accepts the invitation without protest.

They've been working up to this with awkward touches and glances stolen when Nami isn't looking, although Luffy instigates most of it because the swordsman's spent the last few hours dizzy from blood loss. Zoro's flustered but intrigued, although he blames it on anemia when he finds that he isn't really interested in fending off the bold advances and sneaky fingers. It's not like he wants this; it's just the lack of hemoglobin messing with his head.

He's still trying to tell himself this when he kisses the captain, tilting Luffy's chin with calloused fingers and feeling heat race through his veins as his questing mouth is hungrily met and devoured. It's awkward and sloppy and arousing; Luffy whimpers against his tongue, pawing at his bare chest like an overly eager puppy, and Zoro banishes that thought immediately, because it's incredibly inappropriate and just plain wrong considering the hard cock grinding against his hip.

When he forces a hand into Luffy's shorts to investigate, the captain's volume increases until Zoro's forced to clap a hand over his mouth, hissing at him to shut up before he wakes up the bitchy woman sleeping on the other boat. It's apparently a little too late, because as Luffy sucks at his fingers and squirms, trying desperately to fuck Zoro's hand, Nami explodes out of the cabin and starts screaming at them.

Caught red-handed, or at least with his hand where the navigator obviously believes it doesn't belong, Zoro promptly freaks out. Of course, Nami doesn't believe him when he points out that Luffy started it - hell, he's starting to learn that Luffy seems to start everything, even if Zoro isn't exactly protesting too much at the idea of getting laid for the first time - and there's a lot of yelling and accusations and then he's got an armload of angry, sexually frustrated captain trying to throttle him senseless.

He's slow to respond, knowing the woman - who's just all but accused him of assaulting their captain and looks like she wants to rip his balls off - is still watching and fuming, but there's something both infuriating and arousing about the tumultuous expression on Luffy's face. It doesn't take long for either of them to forget they've got an audience.

He really doesn't mean to throw Luffy overboard; it just sort of happens while they're grappling, simultaneously punching and groping each other. For a moment he waits expectantly for Luffy to surface, and then he abruptly remembers Luffy said that he not only can't swim but also sinks like a parachute weighted with rocks. Cursing, he dives in, grabs the alarmingly unresisting captain by the scruff and flings him back onto the deck.

The water's cold and stings the wound in his side, and he gets utterly lost for a few seconds, although he's entirely sure that it's not his fault, because the moon's glare on the water makes it harder to spot the boat.

Luffy's recovered and waiting by the time he drags himself back onboard, and he rushes the swordsman, throwing him against the mast. The older pirate tenses, expecting another blow, but the captain's apparently equally fired up by the fighting, because he pins Zoro forcefully enough that the coarse rope holding the sail starts abrading his bare skin and then kisses him until they're both breathless and sliding to the deck.

Clothing soaked with seawater proves extremely difficult to remove, especially while they're rolling around in the bottom of the boat, but Zoro stubbornly persists until he's able to toss aside the captain's wet shorts. Luffy's hands dive up under the swordsman's haramaki and claw his trousers down his thighs - leaving behind burning nail marks - but he quickly gives up when they get bunched around Zoro's ankles because he's still wearing his boots. Whining in frustration, he thrashes around until he's able to rub their cocks together.

It feels infinitely better than anything Zoro's ever jacked off against before, and he can't restrain the low groan that escapes his throat. Luffy watches and laughs in delight as he rocks their bodies together, pleased that he's able to make the swordsman's face contort in such an expression.

There's no way Nami can't hear them, but Zoro's too far gone to care, and he seriously doubts that Luffy would give it a second thought even if the captain wasn't obviously thinking with the head now prodding against his abdomen. He grunts as clutching fingers dig into the bandaged wound on his side, squeezing Luffy's forearms hard enough to leave bruises.

"Watch it!"

"Sorry," Luffy tells him but he doesn't look sorry at all, still grinning as he lets go and braces one palm against the swordsman's chest, using his free hand to stroke both their cocks. Zoro gasps, bucking into his touch, and barely feels it when the back of his head smacks against the deck. He wraps his fist in Luffy's wet vest and hauls the captain down for a kiss, and this one is even better than the first, because this time there's no clothing ruining the sensations when Luffy wriggles against him, moaning.

Rubbing his chest against Zoro's, he hisses as their nipples brush, sliding his hands down to squeeze the swordsman's ass cheeks and driving his tongue between the lips working hungrily against his own. Zoro makes a low, needy sound and clutches at his back, spurring the captain to move his hips faster. Their cocks slide together, slick with leaking moisture, and Luffy whimpers, because it feels incredible but it's still not quite enough.

Because his Akuma no Mi powers have also given him the ability to masturbate in ways Mother Nature never intended, Luffy's experimented enough with his own body to know that the swordsman is likely to kill him if he does what his desperate cock is demanding without some sort of preparation. As badly as he wants to just flip the man over and fuck him, he's still coherent enough to recognize that Zoro's body probably won't stretch as easily as his own. If he doesn't make sure that he does this right, the swordsman's probably never going to let him touch him again, and now that he's got him, he has no intention of letting him go.

Lost in the moment, Zoro's barely aware that Luffy's contorting to reach between them until he feels fingers teasing and prodding somewhere below his balls. He utters a cry of protest muffled by the tongue exploring his mouth, trying to shove the younger pirate away, and Luffy pauses, drawing back a bit to look at him. "I won't if Zoro doesn't want me to."

The captain's face is flushed, his eyes half-lidded with desire, and he's grinning almost maniacally - an expression that might send another more cowardly lover fleeing in panic - but the swordsman believes him.

He stares up at Luffy, breathing heavily and acutely aware of the fingers circling the ring of muscle beneath them. He knows he's being given the choice to continue or stop, and it reminds him of their earlier conversation, in which this man gave him a choice that didn't seem like one and then cheerfully agreed to die at his hand should their chosen paths ever conflict. He's startled and a little puzzled to realize that he trusts Luffy implicitly - Zoro's completely sure that if he tells him to back the fuck off, he will.

But he's also a little overwhelmed by how good his body feels right now and decides rather deliriously that this is just another battle to win, just one against a very different sword than the type to which he's accustomed. He wonders who will break first, and if Luffy will call his name when he comes. "Do it."

It doesn't hurt too much - he's too accustomed to ending fights covered in his own blood to make a fuss over a finger in his ass - but it definitely feels extremely weird. Zoro tries to relax, propping himself up on an elbow although Luffy's body is blocking his view even when the captain sits up enough to clasp their cocks again, keeping his eyes locked with the swordsman's as though he's looking for signs of hesitation.

The second finger is more uncomfortable, because there's no lubricant other than their own sweat and the remaining dampness of seawater, and Luffy's patient restraint is slipping, worn thin by the sensation of his other hand moving them together. He stretches his fingers apart a bit too quickly and watches Zoro cautiously as the swordsman lets out a shaky breath, his hands trembling as they reach up to grasp the younger pirate's hips.

The captain knows what will take away the discomfort; he just needs to find it.

"Stop hiding!" He mutters, biting his tongue in concentration as his fingers curl, searching, and the swordsman curses, struggling to see what he's doing and earning a sharp rebuke to just hold still for a second. Luffy knows how to locate this particular spot in his own body, but it's a lot trickier when he's trying to find it on somebody else, especially when they're starting to squirm like a panic-stricken earthworm.

Zoro cuffs him in the ear, demanding to know exactly what the hell he expects to find and insisting loudly that his ass isn't a goddamn cookie jar. The complaints earn him a dirty look, but the captain continues working his fingers deeper, his moving hand on their cocks momentarily losing rhythm.

The swordsman's discomfort is increasing, and he's about to tell Luffy that he's had enough of this, when the groping fingertips brush against something that makes his toes curl in his boots. He cries out, back arching, and he's so startled that he doesn't notice the third finger that joins the other two when the captain's hand draws back and plunges forward, hitting that same pleasure point.

Luffy wiggles his fingers, tickling the swordsman's prostate each time his hand thrusts forward, and he watches gleefully as the swordsman clenches his teeth, breath hissing between them as he struggles to stay in control. "Got it! Yosh, hold on a second-"

"W-Wha-?" Zoro protests as the fingers abruptly withdraw and the captain clambers off, evading the arms that try to drag him back. "Where the hell are you going?"

He grunts in surprise as Luffy shoves insistently at him, bending his knees and squeezing between them until they're hooked over his shoulders, calves still trapped together by his pants. Struggling to free his feet - because by this point he doesn't give a shit if he rips the damn things as long as he gets them off - Zoro gives a growl of frustration when the wet fabric twists but refuses to tear.

His annoyance is short-lived when the captain's tongue suddenly sweeps up his cock from root to tip, making him shiver as cool night air hits the wet path left by Luffy's saliva.

"Zoro's still okay with this?" Luffy asks one last time and laughs when the flushed swordsman, glaring menacingly, catches him under the arms and drags him forward. Zoro's bound legs slip back to settle around his waist, ankles resting at the small of his back, and he splays one hand on the swordsman's chest, using it to support his weight as he reaches down to maneuver himself into place.

His fingers tightening on the captain's shoulders, Zoro lets his breath out and watches the play of emotions on Luffy's face as he presses forward. The cock penetrating his body feels a hell of a lot thicker than a few fingers, and even though he's frantically reminding himself to relax, his body's tightening up anyway, judging by the way Luffy's gnawing furious on his lower lip.

There's a strange faint popping sensation, causing them both to gasp as Luffy slides home and slumps over the swordsman, burrowing his face against Zoro's shoulder and panting rapidly as he fights off the rush of pleasure threatening to overwhelm him. The body he's buried in feels hot and tight, and not only does he not need to resort to twisting like a pretzel to keep from popping out, but his whole cock fits - this is loads better than playing with himself.

Zoro nestles his cheek against Luffy's shaggy hair, breathing deeply through his nose. He wouldn't say that he's comfortable, but this doesn't hurt as much as he expected, possibly because the abused wound in his side is throbbing more noticeably. He is having some difficulty catching his breath because the captain can't seem to hold still. Luffy's whimpering and pressing in harder when his uncontrollable shivering causes him to start slipping back out.

"M-Mine," the captain exhales with some difficulty, and Zoro blinks, because until now he's been relatively sure that this is more about taking pleasure wherever and however they can get it. He's startled by the fire burning in Luffy's eyes when he looks up, hands clutching at the swordsman's sides and inadvertently squeezing the wound again. "Zoro's mine."

The older pirate feels himself blushing, which is ridiculous. He's naked except for the haramaki still encircling his waist and the trousers bunched around his booted feet, hard as steel between their tightly pressed abdomens and stretched uncomfortably full by the younger man penetrating him, but Luffy's simple claim is more embarrassing than any of it.

"My swordsman's going to be the greatest in the world," his lover insists, punctuating his words with small jerks of his hips that quickly evolve into full-length thrusts. "-right?"

"Aye, S-Sencho," Zoro gasps back without thinking, and then laughs breathlessly because it's impossible not to respond to the huge goofy grin that spreads across Luffy's face at his words.

"Kaizokuou," the captain - his captain - reminds him as he finds a rough rhythm and starts laughing then and can't stop, even when Zoro crushes a hand over his mouth and the swordsman insists, between curses and low groans, that he's going to rouse the navigator again. If she isn't still awake and listening to the racket they're causing, he thinks as Luffy's sudden change of angles makes him forget himself and moan loudly, the younger pirate giggling furiously under his hand.

His captain's fingers dig tighter into his side and he flinches, grunting as pain and pleasure struggle for dominance. And he thinks this is pretty fucked up, but he kind of likes it, and when he focuses on the eyes carefully studying the way his mouth goes slack every time the hands on him get just a bit rougher, he realizes that Luffy does too.

Neither of them know it now, but this will become a ritual following their battles: finding self-indulgence in giving and receiving hurt and comfort. The rest of the crew will never quite understand, and Zoro and Luffy will never actually speak of it, but they both know that they're reminding each other that they're still alive.

Luffy's pace quickens, until he's breathing hard and fast against the swordsman's palm. He lets go of Zoro's uninjured side and squeezes his hand between their bodies, losing his rhythm as he gropes for the older pirate's cock, and Zoro curses at him, rocking his hips frantically to regain the tempo.

He's startled when his captain tenses, eyes screwing shut as he sinks his teeth into the fingers covering his mouth, and then spasms violently against him. Luffy pounds into him furiously as he rides out the orgasm, hand on his cock too rough and too tight, and the swordsman bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying out as he tips over the edge.

The world momentarily goes away in a wash of crimson behind his eyelids and he's convinced that he's fainting, but then he opens them and realizes that he's laying limp on the deck with Luffy slumped bonelessly on top of him, both of them struggling valiantly to catch their breath. He can feel his heart thundering, and he grunts when his captain wriggles around so he can press an ear against the broad chest under his head.

"Mmm," Luffy hums drowsily, petting his side apologetically where the bloody bandage has almost fallen off. "Zoro doesn't always say much, but his heart talks a lot."

The swordsman flushes - his new captain always seems able to say such openly honest and embarrassing things without batting an eyelid - and raises a tentative hand to touch the younger pirate's shoulder. Luffy makes a happy sound and snuggles closer, wrapping both arms around him, so he slides it under the damp vest to rest on the warm back beneath.

Even though he wasn't looking for it, the sex doesn't really surprise him all that much, not after he found himself on the receiving end of a enthusiastic hand job less than three hours after they met, but the cuddling does. He kind of expected Luffy to bound off and abandon him in the warm puddle that he can now feel growing under his ass. Ugh.

He's suddenly aware that he feels kind of gross covered in drying sweat and other fluids, but Luffy is snoring faintly against his chest and clings like a monkey, resisting Zoro's attempts to pry him loose, so the swordsman sighs and closes his eyes. He'll get up in a minute or two.

He eventually falls asleep tracing small circles on his captain's back as he stares up at the night sky, counting stars and wondering just what the hell possessed him to not only agree to follow this man but to also allow someone he barely knows to claim him in such a personal way.

xxx

Nami wakes him in the morning with forceful kicks to the head, shrieking at the two men to wash up and put their clothing back on because she's located an island where they can pick up supplies and hopefully locate a larger ship. Luffy, who is laughing merrily despite his black eye and lump-covered skull, apparently has other thoughts because he insists on giving the swordsman a thorough good morning kiss despite his insistence that Nami is standing RIGHT THERE.

Zoro takes one look at the navigator's clenched fists and haggard, sleep-deprived face and tells himself that he's satisfied his curiosity and won't be scratching this particular itch again any time soon.

Some time later, after the swordsman's spent an afternoon trying not to stare at Luffy's ass and when Nami and the new guy are busy pouring oil on the island pass slope, he finds himself dragging his grinning captain into the nearby bushes. Luffy's just as enthusiastic about being on the receiving end, and when they eventually emerge to hear Nami laughing nervously and babbling something about noisy stray cats to a quizzical-looking Usopp, Zoro realizes that he's got a problem.


	14. Franky & Co: Frigging Rigging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for explicit sex and serious misuse of Akuma no Mi abilities. The guys sure didn't take long to start breaking in the new ship; this probably happens within the first night or two following their departure from Water Seven.
> 
> This one's also a collaborative project! I wrote this based on a bunch of sketches that draches sent me following a long and incredibly wrong late-night chat session. The original art - which is also NC-17 due to sexual content - has been added to the gift art page on my LiveJournal; you can find the link to it on my profile page.

Zoro never does figure out just how the hell it happens, but one second he's crouched on his hands and knees, eyes squeezed tightly shut and spine arching fantastically as his captain pants above him and pounds into him forcefully enough to inch both their bodies across the floor, and the next he's falling headlong through the lookout tower hatchway and scrabbling frantically for purchase on the ladder, the netting below, ANYTHING within reach, because although Luffy's rubber and will undoubtedly bounce when he hits the lawn deck that suddenly seems so far below, the swordsman most definitely will not.

"Shit- fuck- LUFFY-!" He manages incoherently, his brain slow to aid his mouth in voicing anything more succinct. "Watch- UNNFF!"

His flailing hands have automatically locked into a death grip on whatever they've encountered, and he's got no more than a heartbeat or two to register that it's the rigging - he's narrowly avoided plummeting to his doom by grabbing the rigging and is now performing an impromptu and very awkward handstand, the muscles in his forearms straining as they struggle to support his weight - before Luffy's weight comes down on him hard, nearly tearing him loose.

The younger pirate, who'd uttered a loud yip of surprise when he was unexpectedly yanked into thin air by his falling lover, reacts instantaneously, flinging his arms in opposite directions. One hand plunges past his first mate's head to latch onto the netting below, while the other limb loops crazily around the crossbeam attached to the mast, making several complete circuits before his fingers get a decent grip on the Adam wood.

There's a foot braced in the rigging by the swordsman's face, curled toes brushing his cheek, but he barely notices, because - more importantly - there's a hard cock still buried in his ass, and despite their dubious entanglement, the rubber man's hips are continuing to give eager little nudges against his backside.

"Damn it, Luffy, get- ah~ off me!"

"But Zoro's gonna fall!"

"You MADE me fall in the first place, you-" He groans as his captain wriggles, moving inside him. "I said GET OFF!"

"I'm trying!" Luffy protests, even as his body immediately makes a liar of him by propelling his hips forward with a snap.

Shifting the majority of his weight to one arm, Zoro glances back over his shoulder to glare at the younger pirate's flushed face. "Then pull out and stop humping me, you idiot!"

"I can't 'cause- oh, mmm, Z-Zoro's so~ so t-tight."

"We- are- going- to- FALL," he grits out, freeing one hand so he can rear his elbow back to drive it forcefully into the top of the other man's head. "LEGGO!"

"OW! I said I'm trying!" Luffy whines and headbutts him in the shoulder, and it's all downhill from there, because his aggravated first mate's trying to bite his outstretched arm and he's forced to release the mast so he's got a hand free to smack the back of Zoro's skull and then they're floundering around in the rigging like hapless moths caught in a spider's web, nearly forgetting where they are in the process of trying to punch and kick each other, their cursing interspersed with low moans and gasps and the captain's breathless laughter.

The swordsman nearly costs them both their already unsteady balance when he reaches back and seizes the chortling younger pirate by the scruff to flip him clear over his head and pin him belly-down against the ropes. "I told you to-!"

Only his ankles hooked in the netting prevent them from tumbling to the deck below, but he barely notices, protest derailed, because Luffy's no longer laughing but making a low eager noise and peering over one shoulder at him through half-lidded eyes, bright spots of color flaring high on his cheeks.

There's something thick and warm stretched over his thigh, and it takes Zoro several moments to realize that despite lying prone beneath him, the rubber man's still lodged firmly inside him. When the older man shifts, fingers of one hand tightening reflexively around a fistful of rigging while the other tenses where it's splayed on his captain's bare back, the taut flesh twitches forcefully enough to send sparks shivering through his spine.

Luffy - in the process of mumbling something that sounds suspiciously like "see, I told Zoro he was really tight" - utters a strangled whimper and clutches at the criss-crossing ropes, fighting for the leverage to press back and nudge his rump into Zoro's groin.

"B-Bad idea-" the swordsman sputters, voice hoarse around the lump that's suddenly developed in his throat. "This is a really, really bad idea and even if we don't fall and kill ourselves, we're gonna get rope-burn in places I don't wanna-"

"Zoro~"

He doesn't know how the hell his lover manages to sound so demanding and pleading at the same time, and his head's insistently informing him that one way or another he's going to regret this in the morning, but his cock - already more than interested but now rigid as steel at the thought-sight-sensation-sound of Luffy rubbing shamelessly against him like a goddamn cat in heat - is trying to tell him otherwise.

Orders, he rationalizes giddily as he cuts short his brain's protests. Sencho's orders- gotta follow Sencho's orders.

It's definitely the most complicated form of sex they've ever attempted; thankfully Luffy's fired up enough that he doesn't care about the lube laying somewhere out of reach on the crow's nest floor above them- but unfortunately, he's also too excited to relax, while Zoro's only got one hand free to hold his agitated lover's hips steady, and they've both been hanging upside down long enough that they're getting a bit lightheaded.

Like trying to thread a fucking needle in the dark, the green-haired pirate muses in exasperation when his impatient partner starts to wriggle and complain that he's taking too long. "Hold still, damn it!"

Eventually Luffy settles down and quits squirming, cooperating just long enough for Zoro to line up their bodies and start pushing into him, but his composure doesn't last, and the swordsman finds himself clenching his teeth and breathing heavily through his nose as he struggles to maintain control when the younger man suddenly bucks up against him vigorously enough to plunge him balls-deep into tight, pulsing heat.

"OI!"

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" His captain urges, recklessly releasing the rigging to grope backwards over their joined hips until his fingers close around his own cock and shove it deeper into his first mate's body. "Zoro needs to move!"

"FUCK!" Zoro yelps, going wide-eyed and nearly losing his grip on the ropes below them as the sensation of his prostate being bumped automatically propels him forward.

"Yes!" Luffy insists, pushing back to meet the thrust and looking extremely pleased with himself when his movement prompts another loud curse.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?"

After much squabbling and more than a few well-aimed but only half-hearted blows, they succeed in maneuvering into a slightly less precarious position with the captain sprawled on his back, legs thrown over the older pirate's hips and ankles together in the small of his back. Standing nearly upright with his feet braced and both hands gripping the ropes on either side of Luffy's head suits Zoro a hell of a lot better than dangling upside down with all the blood rushing to his head, and his stance also leaves his black-haired lover supported between his body and the rigging and free to touch him with both hands.

He twists his hips, putting enough power behind his thrusts to shake the netting, and fingernails rake sideways down his pectorals, leaving trails of fire along the scar tissue and drawing a deep growl from his chest.

Although the younger pirate's largely given up on doing much of anything with it - he couldn't see what his hand was doing without craning his neck in a ridiculously disturbing fashion and quickly got distracted anyway when he realized that Zoro's nipples were now well within tweaking and potentially licking range as well - his length's still curled over the swordsman's thigh, its head and several inches trapped securely in place by his tense body.

Zoro can't help thinking that it's like a bizarre variation on a few of the other new items they acquired on Water Seven: the ones currently hidden from their crewmates' sight under the stash of spare haramaki at the back of his locker in the men's quarters here on their new ship. After he and Luffy wore out the- eh, well, that vibrating dial thing Conis gave them, he's kept an eye out for such toys, and the port city certainly hadn't disappointed him. Although it was their new shipwright's girls - the Square Sisters Mozu and Kiwi - who slipped him a discrete word about that little unmarked shop on the side street near-

Just what the hell's up with all these strange women, anyway, trying to help him and his captain find new and more interesting ways to bone each other?

ANYWAY, even if it's just sort of stuffed up there and not moving much, Luffy's dick feels a lot better than some- some boring piece of plastic. He can't bring himself to call it by the name with which the shopkeeper labeled it, not after the term "butt plug" had Sencho rolling on the floor and howling loud enough with hysterical laughter to bring the cook, navigator and several other annoyed people banging on the Galley-La hotel room door and screeching at them to keep it down.

Plastic isn't warm and throbbing, and it doesn't twitch responsively and prompt its wielder to shudder and moan when he tightens his body around it. The rubber man beneath him, on the other hand, is already half out of his mind at having such sensitive flesh elongated beyond normal physical means, and Zoro's started deliberately pulling farther away than necessary, just to watch his captain's face contort at being stretched even more before the next penetrating thrust sends him arching into the rigging and clawing at his lover's torso and shoulders.

Shifting his weight momentarily to one hand so he can swipe the sweat from his face with his forearm, the swordsman can't restrain a grin at the sight of his captain's pleasure-glazed eyes and gaping, panting mouth, and he's concentrating too heavily on forcing another of those heady, impassioned groans from the younger pirate's heaving chest to notice the faint pinging noises above or the ropes beneath them beginning to flop more violently.

The remaining connectors securing the rigging to the underside of the lookout tower finally give way all at once, unceremoniously dumping both startled Straw Hats and a good deal of heavy rope onto the curved roof of the observation room. A string of curses escaping him, Zoro makes a futile grab for the window alcove, but the tiled surface is too slick to grip and the netting too bulky.

He hits the deck flat on his back, grunting when his clinging captain lands directly on top and knocks the wind out of him.

"That was so cool!" Luffy shrills, his attempt to scramble into a sitting position severely hampered by the fact that, during his flailing on the way to the lower level, he's managed to get his protracted penis tangled in a loose knot around his swordsman's leg and also somehow tied the green-haired pirate's wrist to his thigh. "Let's do that again!"

"Shut up and get off-! Wait a sec- WHAT THE HELL, LUFFY! GET THAT GODDAMN THING OUT OF MY ASS!"

"Ehh, I think it's stuck." He gives a slight tug and shivers, eyes going half-closed. "Mmm, but while Zoro's down there-"

Zoro raises his free hand, already balled into a fist, but before he's able to punch the leering younger man upside the head, something large and bulky drops out of the sky and strikes the rubber man square between the eyes, then bounces free and goes skidding across the Adam wood.

"The hell-?"

"Ow! What-?" Luffy rubs his bruised forehead, and they both stare incredulously at the loud speaker that's laying on the deck a few feet away. "..."

"... you realize Franky's gonna kill us?"

"SORRY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT- WE WON'T DO IT AGAIN!" The dark-haired pirate shouts suddenly, bellowing loudly enough to make his first mate flinch.

"Idiot! I bet everybody on the fricking ship heard you!"

"But I don't want him mad at us!"

Zoro slumps back, arm flopping down beside him. "Tch. He didn't even see anything- maybe he'll think it was a seagull or some-"

"Not FRANKY," Luffy insists, eyes rolling before he gestures about them. "HIM."

"Who's-?" He stops short as comprehension dawns, opens his mouth to protest and promptly closes it again. A week ago, if someone - even his own captain - had tried to tell him that it was possible to upset a SHIP, of all things, he'd dispute the notion and assure them of their need for a psychiatric evaluation in none too polite terms. But not now. Not after Going Merry's final words to its crew, which he heard just as clearly as anyone else.

xxx

They're all sitting in the dining hall, doing their damnedest to snatch a scrap or two of breakfast before it all disappears down Luffy's gullet, when Franky storms in and slams the slightly battered-looking loud speaker down in the center of the table, sending dishes and silverware spinning out of the way.

Zoro briefly contemplates edging for the door but rejects the idea in favor of snagging another piece of food.

"What- happened- to my- ship?" The fuming cyborg grits out, looming over them. "Mugiwara, Haramaki-bro- I KNOW you guys both had watch last night, so-"

The captain's eyes dart about the room, avoiding the curious and slightly perplexed gazes aimed in his direction and briefly flashing towards his first mate, but the swordsman's no help- he's nonchalantly consuming a croissant. "Uhm, first it got really, really windy and then this giant seagull-"

"Sounds like one of Usopp's shitty stories," Sanji snorts, and the sniper elbows him in the ribcage.

"Mugiwara-"

"Don't worry; it won't happen again! 'Cause I promised Thousand Sunny- me and Zoro won't have sex in his rigging anymore!" Luffy explains hurriedly, and Zoro promptly sprays the tablecloth and his nearby nakama with a mouthful of half-chewed pastry.


	15. Robin: The Walls Have Eyes

"Good morning, Kenshi-san. I trust you enjoyed your watch last night?"

The green-haired swordsman struggles to maintain his stoic expression, and he succeeds rather well, but she's had years of practice studying enemies and allies alike for signs of weakness - a practice that's saved her skin on more than one occasion - and she notes the barely perceptible twitch before he steels himself and mumbles something about watch going just fine, thank you, even if it's none of her goddamn business.

"I haven't seen Sencho-san yet this morning."

Another twitch, which he immediately covers by reaching for the nearest empty mug and firing off a disgruntled retort about not being their captain's handler, so no, he doesn't fucking know where Luffy's gone at this hour, although he's probably in bed, considering that's where most of their crewmates are to be found at five in the bloody morning.

"An astute observation," Robin replies placidly as she watches Zoro paw roughly through the bottles of alcohol on the wine rack. She takes a delicate sip of coffee. "-especially considering how exhausted you both must be feeling. I'm surprised you haven't joined him."

To her delight, he actually fumbles the selection he's just made, curses as he nearly drops it.

"Lengthy late-night watches are often unpleasantly droll and rather tedious, at best."

Her unlikely nakama's glaring at her as he slides onto the opposite bench, silently fuming and accidentally sloshing liquor onto the tablecloth as he fills his cup. Robin has the good grace not to wince, although she's positive the cook will be quite incensed at the waste. If anything, the swordsman himself looks even more perturbed, scowling at the amber puddle until Robin's starting to wonder if he's seriously considering just leaning over and slurping the alcohol off the linen.

She knows he doesn't trust her; he made that abundantly clear following her appearance on the ship, and he's been watching her like the proverbial hawk ever since the others overrode his protests and welcomed her aboard.

It's extremely likely from what she's seen, in fact, that Roronoa-san doesn't trust ANYONE.

A faint smile tugs the corners of her mouth. Well, perhaps that's not quite true.

"I can't help wondering-" she muses, carefully replacing her own mug on the table beside her elbow so she can rest her chin on laced fingers.

He glances up, somehow managing to glower and cock an eyebrow simultaneously, which makes for one of the most interesting facial tableaux she's ever seen.

"-how long have you and Sencho-san been an item?"

To Zoro's credit, he doesn't explode or inadvertently spray himself and his immediate surroundings with his drink. Instead, he's studying her cautiously while feigning indifference. Feigning badly, but feigning none the less. "What the hell makes you think that?"

"Certain... noises."

He doesn't flinch, but he can't hide the color rising in his face.

She probably shouldn't antagonize him, but-

She can afford to amuse herself. She's skilled at reading people and situations, and she knows she's not mistaken. This man doesn't trust her and would just as soon dump her over the starboard side as continue holding a conversation with her, but he won't act without his captain's say so.

"Certain noises-" she says again, favoring him with a knowing smile. "-in unrestrained and rather loud familiar voices. You're not very discreet, you know."

He's gone from merely pink to a fascinating shade of scarlet. "I- He- We don't-"

"Such flexibility. Such stamina." She traces a fingertip suggestively around the rim of her coffee mug, her voice a low purr. "A most enjoyable performance."

Zoro's staring at her, horrified yet not quite comprehending, so she makes a brief gesture and an eye blinks into existence on the tabletop between them.

The way the color drains out of his face is almost alarming in its rapidity, and he makes a strangled sound of protest in the back of his throat, which is accompanied by an audible snapping as his fingers tighten forcefully enough to break the handle clean off his tankard.

"Oh, dear. I believe Cook-san's going to be rather distressed."


	16. Brook: You've Got Red On You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. Sorry if this one's not up to my usual standards. Unfortunately it hasn't been beta-read either.

"Figures YOU'd be immune to this shit," Zoro grumbles, casting an ominous glower towards the infirmary bed on the edge of which his captain's perched, casually swinging his sandal-clad feet beneath him.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you sound sorry, you-"

"Stop scratching!" Chopper orders, lightly slapping the back of the swordsman's neck before he resumes dabbing the older pirate's left shoulder blade with ointment. "You're only making it worse!"

"It fucking ITCHES," he snarls in retort, teeth clenching as he struggles to restrain himself by gripping the edges of the stool.

"I KNOW, but the more you irritate the blisters, the longer they'll take to heal, and if you scratch them open, they're going to get infect- STOP SCRATCHING."

Watching the ensuing scuffle, Luffy winces. Despite his shy and often childish demeanor and his tendency to exhibit panic at the prospect of injury, their doctor becomes an entirely different person when he's actually treating a patient.

Zoro eventually relents and resigns himself to suffering in silence while he's plastered with more of the thick goop that Chopper mixed up following his diagnosis.

"I'll tell Usopp," the reindeer mumbles to himself. "He'll need to treat that corner of the lawn. Maybe even replace the sod- that stuff's really hard to destroy if you don't get the-"

He's interrupted by the bushy black hair and bony shoulders that suddenly pop through the doorway at what must surely be an impossible angle.

"Brook!" Luffy calls cheerfully, offering the skeleton a little wave.

"Hello, Luffy-san," their newest crew member replies politely. "Chopper-san, Zoro-sa-" He hesitates, his eye sockets somehow taking on a perplexed, curious cast despite his lack of flesh. "Zoro-san? Is everything alright?"

"Just fucking peachy," the green-haired man mumbles, wincing as he's slapped again for surrepitiously digging at his chest with his thumb.

"These idiots-" Chopper huffs, "-managed to find the ONLY square foot of lawn deck with POISON IVY growing on it. I still don't know where it came from. Probably seeds that blew onboard while we were docked somewhere. At least Luffy didn't have a reaction; one uncooperative patient's enough without-" He continues muttering to himself as he returns to his work.

Brook's staring at Zoro, studying him intently, and the swordsman shifts uncomfortably, returning his gaze with a glower that challenges him to dare say one thing about what's distressingly obvious given the distinct patterns of the rashes marking his skin.

"Zoro-san..." The musician tilts his head.

Zoro doesn't budge from his seat on the stool, but his jaw tenses and he shoots a fleeting glance in their captain's direction. "Oi, if you got a problem with-"

"Red complements you quite well," Brook says placidly before excusing himself to continue exploring his new home.

The swordsman blinks, surprised.

"I TOLD you he wouldn't care," Luffy teases.

"Wasn't sure," Zoro admits, staring after the retreating skeleton until the infirmary door clicks closed behind him, absentmindedly scratching the side of his neck. "Seems kinda old-fashioned, but I guess- OW. CHOPPER."

"Anywhere else?" The doctor demands, giving his nakama's torso a little shove forward as he cranes his neck to make sure he's covered every inch of the affected area.

"... yeah."

"What did you do, roll in the stuff?" Chopper demands. "Where's-" He falters at the sight of the older pirate's hands fumbling hesitantly with the button of his trousers. "Err-"

"Shishishi."

"Shut up, Sencho," Zoro growls as he shoves his waistband down to reveal the vivid hand-shaped blotches splayed across his now-exposed buttocks.

Chopper utters an exasperated sigh and retrieves his bowl of ointment, but Luffy snickers again, unable to contain the smug grin creeping across his face. "Brook's right. Red does look really good on Zoro."


End file.
